Sunday June 7 evening

We are waiting at this point for the physicians to perform a catscan and hopefully we will get the results early tomorrow.
At the lull times we have time to reflect about all that has happened. From the first night when we weren't sure whether John would survive and all that entailed. That first morning when he once again went into cardiac failure and Holly was strong enough to run alongside the gurney like a M.A.S.H. nurse talking to John and telling how much we all love him while helping push his bed down those interminably long hallways and me clumsily tromping behind trying to yell out something but being to choked up to speak. The ups and downs of meeting with a myriad of doctors and trying to decipher what it all means while at the same time knowing that no one really knows exactly how John will be. These are long days and especially so, I am sure, for John.

We have been told a lot about what it means to be in a coma but the best explanation I have heard involves the mind retreating to a safe place while the body withstands a series of procedures...some of them barbaric. We are hopeful that John will soon feel safe enough that the pain has stopped and he can come back now but we simply don't know when that will be. If it is similar to how John lives his life it will take some time. I remember a day at their house when he was making a sandwich. To me, making a sandwich involves throwing some meat between bread and devouring it. I watched John make this sandwich and I swear it took 45 minutes. He methodically placed condiments on each piece of bread and layered the vegetables in such a way that this sandwich could easily have graced the cover of a food magazine! He even had a certain way of placing the chips on his plate and didn't begin to eat until he had somehow joined the two sides of the bread and aligned them perfectly. It made me laugh but I think it is exactly what he is doing now. He is making sure that everything is in it's place and he is doing it on his time...not on the doctors schedules or our schedules or anyone else's. We talk to him constantly to let him know that we are here and that it is safe to come back when he is ready.