Saturday June 13 evening

Tonight, John continues to rest. We can tell that dialysis is one of those things which while keeping his kidneys functioning and filtering, does take some energy out of him and he is usually tired afterward. His abdominal catscan reveals that he has no unusual problems and that is really good news. Tonight and tomorrow, nursing staff and physicians will continue to monitor him constantly and make necessary changes. We believe that based on his level of responsiveness he is still on the path of coming back to us but we temper our excitement with the knowledge that this is a slow and systematic process.

A few days into this, I came home to a perfect Lantana Irene plant which for those of you who do not know, produces beautiful reddish orange blooms (thank you Danielle!) and happens to be one of my favorite plants as I had mentioned to her weeks earlier. The thing is, I simply cannot decide where to plant it. I want it to be the perfect location where it will receive the appropriate amount of sunshine and nourishment but I am afraid to put it in the ground where it won't thrive. I am going to plant it tomorrow and wish to send it out that we could all plant something, somewhere which might remind us of our loved ones both past and present or maybe talk to our favorite tree or plant about John. While your neighbors might think you are a bit crazy, I am quite sure that nature listens when we speak if we listen back. When I left Holly and John's house tonight, there were two cotton-tail bunnies in the front yard which made getting into the car with my Mollydog (my blue healer of 12 years!) an interesting experience but one which we enjoyed again by turning around in the cul-de-sac and heading out and seeing them eating the food that Holly had provided. Maybe the best thing about this situation is the times when we notice the unexpected!

We never expected that this situation would arise but I am certain that if roles were reversed and John were writing this blog he would want to accentuate the beauty in everything. He has two tattoos which are prominent when we visit. On his left arm is a tattoo of Jesus and crown of thorns in black ink and on his right is an ankh or elaborate cross, also in black ink, which further underscores his faith. In Holly and John's front yard is a flagpole which has both the Texas flag and the U. S. flag. I learned recently that the White in the stripes signifies purity and innocence, Red signifies hardiness & valour, and Blue signifies vigilance, perseverance & justice. Today, when I was watering the flowerbed, and ducking under the flags to get back to the hose nozzle, I thought of just how appropriate these meanings are for John's current condition. The fact that he placed these flags as a memorial to his Dad is amazing but more perfect is the juxtaposition of them flapping freely in the wind as our friend John is unable to tend to them. It gave me some strength of mind knowing that there is such deep purpose and meaning in both the way John lives his life and the symbols he chooses to be representative of him.

We don't have expectations of John's condition tomorrow. It seems like a good thing that his body knows when it is time to rest and we should heed the same warnings. So, maybe tomorrow, Sunday, is a day to sit on the front row at church, plant a favorite seedling and bless it with the love, respect and adoration that we all feel for John. Or maybe it is a time to hug and tell those closest to us just how much we love them because one thing we have learned from this experience is that you may not have that option available tomorrow.

I wish to express that any and all emails that are sent to me are being carefully saved and will be shown to John when the time is right. I receive and save all emails in hopes that John will read them and know just how much he is loved. I also tell him about them and know that even though he is in his safe place, he can come back to us when he is ready.