Tuesday June 30

John had an eventful day! This morning, physical therapists put him back in the chair. This thing is pretty fancy and starts off as a gurney so they just slide him onto it and then they adjust it until he is sitting upright. Up until today, John needed some pillows around his head and was unable to hold his head up straight without assistance. But today, he was holding his head up and eating lots of goodies. He was so alert while he was sitting up that Holly got permission to wheel him outside! This chair has a seatbelt and swivel wheels which makes it really maneuverable. They sat outside together and Holly said he seemed to really enjoy it. They were under the overhang by the ambulance entrance and there are some woods back there so she figures John was probably trying to spot some wildlife.

When I went to hang out with John this afternoon, Holly mentioned that he had moved his hands and one of his feet earlier in the day when she asked him to. So far, he has been unable to do that on command. When I got there and it was just him and me I was sitting in a chair close to his bed and talking to him and I said, "John, high five me", and he moved his hand in an effort to comply! I had some tears well up and told him how proud I was of him trying so hard to communicate, eat and come back to us.

Later this afternoon, John's mother Paulette arrived with some homemade food for John. She is an amazing cook and has been cooking and putting together a variety of ingredients to bring to him. Today she had made homemade vegetable soup (her green beans are John's favorite!) and a fruit smoothie and John seemed excited to see her. The hospital staff is heartened to see John eating soft foods and drinking lots and figure if anything will help his kidneys shift into high gear, this is the right recipe! Evidently, while IV fluids help, the body really reacts well to swallowing fluids and processing them that way. Also, they let us know that John sometimes tries to talk to them as well which is a good thing. At some point, hopefully we will get to a place of understanding each other's communication but in the meantime, I think there is no doubt that John knows he is loved and extremely well-cared for and most importantly he is safe. Hopefully, he will begin to feel more and more comfortable in our safe place and he will be able to leave his and join us again. That will be an amazing and miraculous reunion!

Monday June 29

The above picture was taken over the Easter weekend. John's brother Hudd (on the left) is known for his amazing steaks. Well, I had been hearing about these steaks for the past decade but for some reason I was either out of town, had a scheduling conflict or possibly not invited for this culinary event until that glorious day in April when the phone rang and I won the lottery! Well, the steak lottery that is, and I got invited to have the world-renowned, steak by Hudd. I must say that it was everything I had dreamed about and more. The seasoning was perfect, it was juicy and cooked to perfection. I tried in vain to ply Hudd with beer or begging to obtain his secret recipe, but it was to no avail! I think the above photo clearly shows John trying to steal the magic recipe from his brother but it also shows a typical time of the two of them hanging out and enjoying each other's company. Tonight, Hudd was at the hospital with John and he gave the report that John ate some soup, ice chips, some diet coke and probably a couple of things I don't remember. It wasn't Hudd's steak and it wasn't a backyard bar-b-que, but the Harris brothers were together and enjoying each other as usual.

Earlier today, Holly brought John some sherbet, mashed potatoes and soda and although he was receiving dialysis, this did not seem to curb his apetite. We simply cannot wait for the time when John is able to lift that fork or spoon on his own, but in the meantime, we are really happy that he is enjoying some of the treats presented to him.

Sunday June 28

Sometimes in our lives things get cluttered. We worry about work or our house or cars or finances and we begin to focus on things which seem paramount to our existence. Then something happens which brings us to present or makes us realize that the things we felt so important even the day before aren't so prominent and really aren't all that significant in the big picture. I get to come home at night and enjoy a quiet meal or perhaps work on tasks that need to be accomplished but always have my phone handy just in case I need to be contacted. I'm not sure I did this before and I am old enough to remember the days before cellular telephones and somehow we made it work. I am remembering the first frantic phone call from Holly when she told me that, "They are doing CPR on John and you need to come now", and I remember asking her where to go and her telling me a hospital on Huffmeister and 290 and somehow knowing where to guide my car. I am grateful for the technology and her ability to contact me so quickly and felt again reassured when I received a similar phone call the next morning. Now, I don't do anything without my phone in my pocket and no longer put it to silence mode or even vibrate mode for fear that I might miss a phone call or a distress signal. I am not looking for flares or smoke signals but at the same time, I don't rest easy and know that at any time I might need to get in my car and get to John and Holly fast or respond like an EMS unit and I am ready to do so.

Today, John continues to do the things we have hoped for. He ate an entire container of Jello and is drinking quite regularly from a straw and forming some words. Holly spent the majority of the morning with John and then went to worship at her church. She then returned to the rehabilitation center and spent more time with John and his mom in his room. In the meantime, Honeygal and I went to the store and bought mine and Holly's favorite meal, snow crab, and brought it home to cook and Holly returned home later in the evening. I noticed that she also cannot be far from her phone and the possibility of triage of events which might occur if needed. She cannot relax and feel comfortable coming home without leaving a barrage of instructions for family members and staff and it helps when she gets updates from both parties.

It seemed so apparent to me today and previously that the reality that what our daily lives has been, inexorably and infinitely changed on June 2, 2009. It's hard to imagine that we rapidly approach the four week mark because I must say that it seems so much longer in some ways and also unbelievable that it's only been a month in other ways. Today, we were able to reflect on the past several weeks events and although it must seem unbelievable to those of you reading this who know John, it is equally unbelievable to us. We strive for understanding and for acceptance in this situation and hold our phones close as a way to try to have control over the uncontrollable.

I made a huge mistake today while at Holly's house which I feel compelled to confess. Holly and I were sitting in their front yard on the tailgate of her truck and I noticed that the flag pole which I mentioned previously here on the blog was leaning. Well, in my fervor to try to fix it I actually snapped it at the base which then caused me to fall flat on my butt in the wet grass and then do a sort of stop, drop and roll maneuver to get out of the way of the falling pole! I should mention that the pole is aluminum and probably wouldn't have hurt but I guess my reactions got the best of me. I must also say that this caused Holly to laugh so hard I thought she might cry or worse but it was that laugh that leaves you unable to speak or even form complete sentences and was completely warranted! I broke flag protocol because the United States flag actually did land on my foot and probably the ground too but I promise I jumped up and grabbed it as quickly as possible. Turns out that John felt obliged to bury it in about 40 inches of concrete...thank you to neighbors Johnathon and Jeff for digging out the quickcrete and fixing the lawn! Johnathon's tennis shoes will never be the same but it was a pure cause and he was fast to offer a hand to take care of the problem.

Tomorrow begins a new week of a fury of doctors and therapists coming in to see John. He will probably undergo dialysis but considering it has been a couple of days since his last session and the fact that he is now drinking more on his own, we hope that his kidneys will start doing more on their own. We are hoping that soon John might be released from ICU which might indicate a level of stability that we have not seen so far. He has been extremely susceptible to infection and other problems throughout but we hope that he will continue to progress in strength medically and physically and so far we have seen nothing to contradict this. We remain guarded, cell phones handy and know that each and every person out there who knows and loves John is hoping and praying unabashedly for his full recovery and we are doing the same.

Saturday June 27

The amount of time Holly has spent with John coupled with her constant coaxing has really paid off. Today, John began drinking from a straw consistently and even ate some ice chips early this morning. She had me on speaker phone as she got him to do this for the first time and we cheered! I told him that I loved him over the phone and he said something which could not be construed as anything but I love you too. Holly was standing next to him too so I didn't imagine it. There are times when we question ourselves...did he really just say that or is he trying to say this. We hope that we are getting it right most of the time. Holly also has been working with him to show reaffirmation of his answers by closing his eyes for, "No" or looking a certain way to let her know that he understands what she is asking him. I must tell you that these steps, minute though they may seem, give us perseverance and keep us constantly trying to figure out how to tackle the next challenge. Therapists continue to work with him as well but it is obvious that Holly being there day in and day out and being so close to John for so many years has enabled her to communicate with him on a whole different dimension. It is really amazing to see in person. This afternoon she went to Church's chicken and picked him up some mashed potatoes which he enjoyed three large bites of. Sometimes he takes a moment to begin chewing but when he does you cannot help but smile big!

We know that his brain was without oxygen and although we don't know how long, we have seen signs of the fact that he is trying to come back to us. Sometimes I feel that I am repetitious when I say these things but there have times when we get frustrated with his progress and about that time he does something fantastic. We have no basis for comparison in this regard except for our day-to-day observations and the fact that we see huge progress from even a week ago. None of us has been in this situation or known someone who has been through what John has. Our friends tell us of people they know and miraculous recovery and we wait with baited breath for the same to happen for John but the thing is...it already is. The daily things that he does and the fact that his eyes are clear as day teach us the level of patience we need. His movements and at times his voice speak to us and tell us to wait for him. We feel him and although it is obvious that this will be a long, slow journey...it's John's journey and we are grateful to be a part of it. And we will wait for him.

Friday, June 26

The following is a true story bearing a striking resemblance to events occurring on or around June 25, 1993. Please note that any relation of characters to true people is absolutely intended however the recall of events is limited until John has the full ability to reply and/or refute information! I am quite sure that he will have additions to portrayal of events and I cannot wait to hear them!

To preface the story below, there is some information you need to know. Holly and John and I went to middle and high school together. John was a grade below us, so while we knew of him at the time, we didn't actually "know" him. Linette also went to school with us and she was friends with John then, and after high school, and she and Holly were friends but in separate circles if that makes sense.

So, as fate would have it, Linette and Jim decide to marry and John and Holly were both invited to the rehearsal dinner and wedding and re-met and began dating and the rest is history! Today marks Linette and Jim's 16th wedding anniversary and the 16th year of Holly and John being together. John and Holly would later marry on November 1, 1997.

The story goes that as John was driving to the wedding he was passed by a vehicle (speeding of course) driven by a cute redhead. He tried to speed up to her to get a better look and soon realized that not only were they headed to the same destination, it was Holly Moynahan from high school. Holly was equally surprised and delighted by the striking man John had become. At that time, it had been about 6 years since high school and they hadn’t seen each other or even lived in the same city.

So later, they left the wedding and drove to Boerne, Texas to Holly's parent’s house. The next morning when I asked who's silver ford probe was parked in front of the house (a bit askew and fairly far from the curb) Holly replied, “John Harris”, with a smile. My only response was, "THE John Harris"?? The short, pesky kid who was cute but taunted and joked all the time with his year older fellow schoolmates? And about that time, not short, non pesky, buff, 6'2" John walked into the room and I too was floored by his change in appearance. We must have graduated and moved on and then the kid shot up and he seemed huge and larger than life to me!

Of course, the teasing hasn’t stopped and all of us have a story of something he has said which made us laugh to the point of crying. I can’t wait to hear his distinctive laugh again and I look forward to 16 more years and more of being his sis-in-law.

Rather than trying to badly recapitulate the email that Linette sent me yesterday, I am just posting it here:

Just thought I'd share the attached pictures. The first is one of my favorites of Holly & John; the second is a picture that Holly took at my 40th birthday party on Feb 21 . In true "John" fashion, he gave me a "50th" birthday card to poke fun at my OLD AGE! But, he also wrote a sentimental note inside about our friendship. We are like the brother/sister that neither of us had! He said he was looking forward to spending our 50th, 60th, 70th, and 80th birthdays together. I pray that's in God's plan. Back in April John sent me the attached video (see below). The video really moved me and so I kept it. I've been re-playing it in my mind ever since I saw John in the ICU. I believe in my heart that John is going to FINISH STRONG. He's a fighter and his FAITH will prevail--especially with the love of his life and her twin sister right beside him every step of the way!!!

Please rub John's head for me and give each other a hug!

Linette



I wanted to make a note that we have added a section to the right for donations. Some have asked about giving money, blood donations, etc. so hopefully this will streamline that process.

I would be remiss in not mentioning the love and support Kara Siegel has provided to our family and especially me during this time. This blog is my first attempt and without her daily help and her extensive computer skills, there is no telling how or if this blog would get done.

Thursday June 25

The top photo is of John (cool John, that is) at his nephew RayRay's baseball game. Below that is a picture of niece Sydney, Holly, RayRay and John at RayRay's birthday party.

I had the awesome opportunity to spend some time with John today at the hospital and it was an eventful day. Early this morning, John received some physical therapy which included putting him into a chair. Seeing him sit upright was really great and his eyes were wide with excitement when they put him in this position. Soon after, the surgical team came in and took him to place his dialysis port in a different area. This is a really good thing because the the original port was appearing blocked and might have been part of the reason he was needing dialysis so frequently. Additionally, John's hemoglobin dropped a bit so they will also be giving a unit of blood back to him from a generous donor. Hopefully this will strengthen him and also boost his immune system.

Susan left a huge batch of candy with me with explicit instructions to place it in John's room. She has been in a similar situation and said that the candy jar brought all kinds of attention to her loved one and made staff ever-present in his room. We have already seen the effects of this and the entire ICU area knows about this new development and has been taking advantage of it. She also brought some European lip balm which smells like fresh oranges and is helping to keep John's lips soft and supple! We are consistently amazed with the creative ideas people present who might have been in a similar situations or simply care so much.

With some coaxing from Holly, John was able to eat some applesauce and pudding today. She puts it on his tongue and soon after he closes his mouth and swallows. I know this seems like a simple thing but he is really enjoying the different flavors and every mouthful seems to feel like a surprise to him. She plans to bring a Big Red soda to him tomorrow (high on his list of favorite drinks) and he seems to enjoy the texture and variety of drinks and foods he is given. Once again, it seems simple but to see him close his mouth and swallow seemed unimaginable less than a week ago.

Not to get too preachy here but some really valuable information has come to us in this process which I really feel compelled to share the following links (Click on the organization in grey for the link):

The American Heart Association provides training (locally wherever you are) in CPR and cardiac problem recognition:

American Heart Association

We know that the time we spend with John currently is largely because of Holly's quick response coordinated with CPR including rescue breathing and chest compressions. There are also many stores, malls, and other places of gathering which have the AED devices which are explained on this site and you can receive training with them too. Holly had annual CPR training as a flight attendant and it is apparent that these skills kicked in when John needed it. She also received help from Monica who quickly called EMS and started compressions. It is hard to imagine having to perform CPR on a loved one but this gives them the opportunity for survival.

The Gulf Coast Regional Blood Bank supplies area hospitals and trauma centers with a quality assured, type-specific blood supply. It turns out that each day, they must collect 1,000 units to serve the Houston area alone, and each donation can help up to three people who need it:

Give Blood

There are also blood centers in every major city and most hospitals will accept blood donations.

Wednesday June 24 evening

Tonight, as I was driving home, I noticed that the moon was just a sliver. It could be perceived as a smiley face or upside down slight semi circle but it reminded me of the time we were all in Galveston together and it looked the same. I remember remarking to John later in the evening as he was cooking the most amazing dinner how pretty the moon was and he agreed. Some people think that a full, bright moon is pretty but to us that night there was something spectacular in the lack thereof. There is a picture below of that trip and we went to watch John and his niece, Sydney, kayak in the surf. I think it is pretty great that in the picture, there are so many seagulls around John waiting for some food as if they know how generous he is when it comes to feeding the animals! Also, he and Sydney really had a great time and I've included the picture above of them after they paddled in. Yesterday, I had the opportunity to talk to John's brother and he remarked that he felt selfish and I agreed that we want more chances to kayak, fish or just spend time with John and we hope that we are on the right path to make that happen. Sometimes the simple things bring us to present and make us realize that we should stop waiting and just do.

Today, Holly took the second (and oldest) of the three Boston Terriers, Harley to the hospital to see John. Harley is a bit more hyperactive and as such, they allowed him to walk around the room. I must say that John's room has a sliding glass door so it wasn't as if he was free but soon, the primary care physician came in. Holly was talking to the doctor and Harley slipped out and made it down to the nurses station! They were relieved that he didn't run into somebodies room but it's a decent jaunt down to the nurses station. Holly figured out he was missing in action and gathered him up but I'm sure the little guy was just trying to check up on the nursing staff and bark them into shape and make sure they knew just how much John is loved. And the good news is that they were happy to see him too!

John had dialysis today and although it was busy, he did love some soda Holly gave him and instead of trying to get him to say Holly, they started with, "Hol", and he said it twice while she and Honeygal were there. Tomorrow, I will be able to spend some time with John and give Holly some well-needed respite time. As far as updates, what we can say is that the primary care physician showed great surprise at John's progress as Holly demonstrated the ability to give him something to drink and to give her a kiss. While their job is to anticipate the worst, it is our job to show them who John is and what he is capable of until they get to know him for themselves.

Wednesday June 24 Midday

A few more pictures:







The above is a Christmas (hence the festive sweaters) photo of Holly and John's beloved Boston Terriers!

Some photos...

These are some miscellaneous family pictures...
Top...John, Holly, their niece Sydney their nephew RayRay and Hudd
Middle...John, Holly, and Tanya (Hudd's girlfriend)
Bottom...well, pretty sure you know these two!!

Tuesday June 23

This photo was taken this morning as Holly arrived at the hospital for operation sneak Haley in! I must say that the staff had approved it but we still tried to keep it a bit of a secret that we were bringing her in. After all, some people (who aren't friends of ours!) think dogs are dirty so we tried to keep it under wraps (literally!).

Some pretty amazing things have happened today and I couldn't hardly wait to get home and get to typing.

This morning, when I arrived at the hospital, John's eyes were wide open and at times he seemed like he was trying to mouth words. I told him that I knew that he was trying to talk to us and started asking him to say words. I would say, "John, say Melanie", and he seemed to mumble something similar to my name. I really thought I was imagining this but then his mom asked him to say mom and he gave a big yawn and on his exhale, said mom as if these tasks were too easy and I have to tell you that Paulette and I looked at each other in disbelief while at the same time fighting tears and chills. We tried a few more words and the consistency was not perfect but he impressed us with saying Hudd (his brother Raymond's nickname). Of course, when Hudd arrived he would do no such thing but then Hudd and Paulette stepped out of the room I said, "John, say Hudd" and sure enough, clear as day, he did. Unfortunately he did not repeat this behavior when I went running out to get Hudd to show him. This would be typical of John teasing us so I think there is some indication that his fiesty and funny personality is very much in there. I must say that while his responses are delayed at times and sometimes require more than one prompt, it is truly a privelege to see him trying to form words. He follows our voices with a great deal of frequency (too much so to think it a coincidence) and sometimes gives us a smile when we ask him to. He also loves to give Holly and his mom kisses and will pucker up with little or no prompting.

We were elated with this progress and while it may not seem like much, it is light years ahead of where he was even a few days ago.

I just received a message from Holly that he is taking sips of water from a cup and swallowing within 3 seconds. This is also miraculous because so far, his swallowing has been intermittent at best thus necessitating the feeding tube and IV fluids. In the past few days, the treatment team showed Holly how to use a straw to put droplets of water on his tongue and try to get him to swallow but up until tonight he has been unable to do so.

Each of these events brings us such joy and such happiness. I am trying to write this with guarded enthusiasm but I also have strived to be blatantly honest here and by golly when something good happens, I want those who love him to know all about it.

Tuesday June 23

There have been a lot of questions about what a Honeygal is or looks like so I felt obliged to post this picture of me and her taken at Christmas time! If you look closely you can see her halo! She has been so fantastic to all of us and we just would be lost right now without her! Her name is actually Carolyn but Honeygal is the name that her sister (our mom, Annette) gave her when she was born and it stuck.

Tuesday June 23

I received this photo from John's friend Edward Raine and it came with a great story about John being fun to work with! I would like to mention that if you happen to have a photo of John that merits posting, please email it to me!

Monday June 22

I've recently (last night!) learned to add pictures to the blog so i will be adding as many as possible from now on. I think it's really important to visually remind ourselves daily of the virile, life loving, passionate person John is and I have been able to find some photos which I think illustrate these aspects of his personality. The above photo was taken the weekend before he had his heart attack. His brother, Raymond is on the left and their mom, Paulette is in the middle. I didn't know that John's color is orange but then again, I haven't seen him in many colors that don't favor him! He even looks good in whichever hospital gown he might me donning on a given day.

There haven't been many substantive changes in John's condition. He does have his eyes open and seems to respond to voices somewhat but not on command. He also brings his hands up toward his torso and sometimes does the same with his feet and his head. A hundred physicians could evaluate John and give a hundred diagnosis but the bottom line is, when it comes to the brain there are no certainties. We look at this as a positive and hope that his brain is staying in his "safe place" for as long as necessary. His kidneys continue to falter in that they are consisitently unable to remove the necessary amount of impurifications from his blood to not require dialysis. For John, the dialysis provides a necessary and life sustaining force which does not cause pain and is done at his bedside.

Holly has negotiated with hospital staff and it looks like John might be receiving a special canine visitor soon. Each night when Holly gets home the dogs run to her and smell her and they know she has been with John and you can just see the envy in their eyes. Holly and John have three Boston Terriers, Haley, Harley and Gracie and I'm pretty sure each of them is chomping at the bit to give John some licks. The other picture above was taken the same day as the one aforementioned one and is of them with Paulette's Boston, Chanel (like the perfume!) I should mention that there are few family events occurring which do not require a veritable portfolio of dog pictures as well as people photos...they are our family members and they are treated as such.

I want to say how appreciative we are of the respect and support you all have shown for Holly and the family during this time. Holly is able to spend concentrated, uninterrupted time with John without feeling stressed about returning calls and emails and I gather up information from her or other family members or personal observation and present it here. I continue to give you my word that as updates occur, they will appear here first! We have come to realize that we may need to wait a bit for John. Sort of like waiting on a delayed flight of someone you absolutely cannot wait to see. All I can say is that he can stay in his holding pattern as long as he needs to and we will sit patiently on the chairs in the airport near the luggage carousel. Anxious for what we might say or how tightly we will hug him when he comes through that gate from whatever fantastic jouney he might be on.

Sunday June 21

Today, we all felt a bit tearful and reminiscent about John and his current situation. While we wait for him to be better, we also remember all of the great things he has brought into our lives. Recently, when I graduated from The University of Houston with my Masters in Social Work, he and Holly were there and he and I took a picture together. He put his hand around my waist and squeezed me so hard and told me that he was proud of me and he told me that he cried when I traipsed down the aisle in the regalia. John would make funny faces during pictures and at times it was frustrating because we wanted the pictures to show how handsome he is but he seemed to know that the most important thing is that we were together and having fun. I remember wincing and telling him OWWWW like only a sister to a brother could do (like in this picture) and that is exactly how he wanted it. Sometimes he would cross his eyes or be the clown but I believe that he simply did not enjoy being the subject of pictures or of adoration. So, here is the picture I speak of taken May 16, 2009 which seems like such a long time ago. I saw this picture for the first time today and while it made me sad in one way it also made me laugh because of the side comments he made to me that day!

Now, he is the focus of our love and he is the center of attention and at some point he will probably balk at all the concentration on him but we are willing to accept any and all comments he might have about that and everything else. We miss talking to him and his amazing sense of humor and his laugh and we anxiously wait for the time when he comes back to us. I personally want to take another picture with him and will welcome his bruising grasp! The bottom line is that we miss our John but we also know that this is a lengthy process and we will wait as long as needed. He would do the same for us.

In the next few days, more physicians will evaluate and test him and he will receive therapy and care which will hopefully nurture him along in his healing process. We should also know more about what will happen with his new dialysis port and other mechanical things but in the meantime, please know that we feel every prayer and tear and know that John is receiving the most love and prayers and the best medical attention possible.

Saturday June 20

Sometimes, we try to reach for the appropriate analogy to use when talking about this situation with John. My favorite one lately is that this is more like an Ironman Triathlon than a hundred yard dash. I personally have not participated in a full triathlon but I can tell you that my feelings of wanting to complete a marathon at 40 years of age have subsided! We are past the initial sensation of waiting on the edge of our seats to rush out of the house for some emergency event but at the same time, we don't rest easy and times of actually feeling that sense of being able to take a deep breath or relax are rare. I am not sure that any words are appropriate to express the constant anguish, worry and downright frustration we feel at times. I must say that these plateaus are difficult on everyone and particularly Holly. She maintains a positive and faithful attitude and a love for John that is absolutely unparallelled. Obviously, this situation is not one that statistically any of us accessing this blog will ever realize with our spouse, but it has become our reality. We grapple with the meaning of this and cannot understand why such a great guy must go through this but at the same time, we are concentrated on his care and while he might not be quite as responsive as we would like, will maintain the constant vigil and really appreciate all of the kindness and words of support in all forms we receive on a daily basis.

John had dialysis today and the physicians would like to move his port for this procedure soon. Their feeling is that he might receive more effective treatment if this line was new. The port line that is currently being used is one that he has had since his hospital stay. We know that with his kidneys are not functioning properly, and because of this, his responses might be cloudy and we want to give him every chance to remove any residual toxicity in his blood.

I have to tell you about something great that happened during this process. Unbeknownst to us, John had rented a house in Galveston to celebrate Holly's (and mine because we are twins) 40th birthday in early July. By the way, Holly is 3 minutes older than me! He only told those on the periphery about this rental and it was quite a trick to figure out where the house was and it was absolutely the most thoughtful thing ever. I really hope that at some point we will take that trip to Galveston and John and I will fish and fry up the catch later but I still smile when I think about the level of thoughtfulness and love that John gave when he planned our special weekend. There have been so many times over the years when John has done things for us and I hope that he hears us when we talk and let him know that it is our turn to do for him. We are here to facilitate his 40th birthday on November 13 and I think we might just try to rent that same beach house. I would love the opportunity to feel the sand between our toes and the smell of the salty air together.

2 special announcements

The first one is that Holly would once again like to welcome anyone to come to their church on Sunday at 10:45 am (please see earlier posts for location and details).

Also, some folks have asked where to send cards so I wanted to put their home address here:
10415 Red Slate Lane
Houston, Texas 77095
While Holly is at the hospital most of the time and not accepting visitors at the house, if you want to send a card or note we take all of them to the hospital and read them to John.

Thanks so much for all of the continued support!

Friday June 19

The fact that there is not a business center at John's current location makes updating the blog a bit troublesome and reliant upon me being at home. Also, while I forward all emails to Holly and attempt to respond to them as fast as possible, it may take a bit longer but I assure you that as events happen, I will update here as soon as I can and respond to emails in the same manner.

Today, John had dialysis again and he was quite restful and sleepy throughout the day. He also had a PICC line placed in his left arm on the underside of his bicep. This stands for peripheral inserted central catheter or a central line. They use this type of line quite a bit with people who may require an IV line for longer than 10 days such as patients who need chemotherapy or larger doses of antibiotics which might otherwise deteriorate the veins. This line can stay in for as long as a year if needed and will help with not having to stick him for the usual IV lines or to give medication. The other plus to this sort of line is that there is less risk of infection and allows patients to have a bit more mobility than standard IV lines. It goes in at his arm but the medication is administered close to the end of the line (near the heart) which is good because veins get larger as they get closer to the heart. Some veins don't respond well to antibiotics and other essential medications but this one will and should give a valuable access point for continuous intravenous therapy. The nurse who did the procedure allowed me to stay with him and observe and he seemed to derive no discomfort from this procedure and actually seemed to sleep during most of it.

A few people have asked about further brain testing. He is scheduled for an MRI which might show small bleeding in his brain however we are pretty sure that based on his previous catscan results and EEG results he has not had signs of bleeding or of a stroke. We do know that his brain was without oxygen and although the scans and tests which can be run might show problematic areas, this is sort of a, "What you have is what you have", kind of scenario and at this point, we are still in waiting mode. While these tests might help, the bottom line is that it will take some time to determine what his future capabilities will be and there is no test which determines this. We simply must continue to be patient and wait to see what John might be able to recover in terms of movement, speech and bodily function. While to us, 17 days seems like a huge amount of time, in this situation it is not a long time. When you figure that the average life span of a normal male is 75 years or an incredible 27,275 days, it seems that 17 of them is just a drop in the bucket.

The parade of physicians and nurses through John's room is nothing less than a really well orchestrated symphony. There are also a myriad of therapists who will be working with him and they are somehow able to work together and the level of communication between them is really special. We have enjoyed this renewed enthusiasm in John and the special circumstances which surround this terrible tragedy and we remain eager to answer any and all questions which might arise and possibly change their perspective a bit or provide some insight into what might help and we are receptive to their new ideas about John. In short, we are a part of this communication chain and grateful for the exceptional care he is receiving.

Thursday June 18

John went through a barrage of new tests today and that coupled with the move to the new environment seemed to really wear him out. I think I mentioned a few days ago about taking a step forward and then hitting the plateau. I was talking with a friend today about this and she made the magnificent point that we all do this! It is true that we have good and bad days and we figure that John is on the same schedule.

There was a parade of physicians and therapists through John's room today evaluating him and getting him started with some new therapeutic techniques. He also received dialysis. His kidneys are producing more but they still want to help them by removing any additional toxins which might be present in his blood. His white blood count has gone down some which is good and may indicate that his body has begun to appropriately fight whatever infection has been plaguing him. The level of care at Triumph has been great so far and the fact that so many specialists will be working with him can only be a good thing. Over the next few days, we anticipate that he will continue having further tests to determine what we can do to help him and see the potential progress the future might hold.

Holly and Paulette installed the bird feeder without a hitch and the staff and John seem to be enjoying it very much.

Tomorrow, more physicians will be meeting with John and he will be having physical therapy, and even speech therapy which will hopefully get him on the right track with swallowing on his own and keeping his airway clean. He has from the moment he opened his eyes enjoyed having his mouth cleaned and Holly does this for him frequently. She also shaved his head and face again today and although he slept through most of the pampering, we know that he enjoys being clean. He may have thought in his safe place that he was at a fancy spa! They have decided to wait a bit on putting tennis shoes on him because they want to be able to watch his feet to make sure pressure points don't arise. The good news is that he still has an air bed and his fluffy shoes to help him along with the healing process. In the meantime, we will continue to support him when he is restful and when he is active and while we get excited when he progresses, we temper our excitement and simply enjoy seeing him doing better.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

When I spoke with Holly this morning, she mentioned that her phone has started ringing like crazy again and that some folks have already contacted the hospital directly about visiting John. We are so grateful that so many love John and want to see him but we are asking that you continue to keep tabs on John via this blog for now. The main reason this blog was even started was to get the information out as fast as possible about him as soon as possible and I have been updating it daily. I give my word that when it is okay to visit John, I will announce it here first. Holly does not have time to answer phone calls and when she is with John (which is pretty much constantly) and she cannot respond to voicemails or emails. Essentially, we just want to reiterate...NO VISITORS EXCEPT FOR IMMEDIATE FAMILY AT THIS TIME. John remains in ICU and we live in fear that he will contract additional infections which make his recovery process even slower and do not want to run that risk. We appreciate your continued understanding and support in this regard. I wish to once again extend my email as an option if you have specific questions about John. I try to answer daily and I will continue to give as much information as possible in the daily posts.

Wednesday June 17

We had the big move today and I must say that this transfer rivaled any major house moving operation and Mayflower moving vans ain't got nothin' on us! John was so perfect throughout the entire process. He was watching the systematic changing of guard from his room at North Cypress Hospital to Triumph LTAC center and the moving of him from his hospital bed to the ambulance gurney really piqued his interest as if he wanted to let us know how we might do it better. He puckered up when asked for a kiss from Holly and we were able to talk the very kind EMS guys into walking the gurney really slowly when they were outside and even hanging out for a bit before loading him into the ambulance for the 30 minute drive and again when we got there. John really seemed to enjoy the trip and made some facial expressions as the hot air hit his face. As he was rolled out of the hospital you would have thought he was a Superbowl caliber player running through the tunnel getting high fives and hugs along the way! There were folks saying good-bye and patting him and saying words of encouragement all along the route between ICU and through the emergency room to the back ambulance entrance. It reminded me of the time not so long ago when he was pushed down these long hallways in the opposite direction at lightning speed while we watched hopelessly without knowing whether we would see him alive again. Today was so different and really breached the other end of the spectrum...just a slow and methodical stroll with no sense of urgency. We could have easily been in a park or meandering through an art gallery or museum or even walking down the aisles of a perfect bookstore. He could have been the Grand Marshal of any substantial parade (Mardi Gras here we come!) or the Queen of England giving that characteristic slight British wave. His progress has amazed those who have worked with him and they are so hopeful that at some point they can meet this man when he is standing up and feeling better.

The nursing staff has been amazing and given John such incredible care that we know he would not be where he is now without them. Today as I was walking back to John's room, one of the nurses, Archie, was reading this blog! I don't think Archie has had a day off since this whole thing started and he always has a warm smile and the poor fella always seems to be there...I think people who work in the ICU are angels and must have some intangible, unfaltering amount of love in their hearts and lack of need for sleep. They are truly exceptional at this hospital and we feel so blessed and lucky for John to have been brought here. I think they will be surprised by how tall he is, 6'1" but I don't think they will be surprised at all by how kind and funny he is. They seem to have a gift of seeing in their patients what those of the rest of us have trouble seeing in bad times, and have been so positive and supportive throughout each and every one of John's 15 days in the ICU.

His new room at Triumph overlooks a field and we immediately noticed that there was something lacking. John's mother Paulette decided that what needed to be outside his window was a bird feeder. She and Holly are currently on a clandestine mission to buy and install said feeder and I say clandestine because we didn't actually ask if this was okay to do but we are relying on the kindness of strangers (name that reference for $20 payable by Blanch Dubois herself!). We know that it is the right thing to do and should provide John (and visitors) with a great variety of birds. For those of you not in Houston, Tomball is pretty far from the central part of the the big city and a bit more rural with more trees so hopefully we will see some songbirds and maybe even some cardinals or bluejays. I know there will be no shortage of mourning dove or ducks, probably some of whom have gotten word that John is in Tomball and have migrated to that area to come check in on him or maybe they know that some tasty vittles are nearby. I also took the liberty of removing and relocating the disco ball for it's appropriate placement in his window.

Tomorrow will be a busy day because at this new facility, they utilize the team approach which helps with interdisciplinary communication and strives to keep everyone on the same page and headed in the right direction. We are excited for them to get to know John and assess him with new eyes and maybe get some different ideas about how to bring him back to us from his safe place. I feel the need to further explain what I mean about this safe place. I have been using this term as a euphemism to describe John's level of consciousness since we were first told he was in a coma. I want to make it clear that John is technically not in a coma currently but there is no appropriate words to describe it.

I have been blunt in this blog and I intend to continue this, so I must admit that the a variety of words, have come up in conversation, not as a diagnosis but as a descriptive phrase to give us an idea of where he is. Some of us are familiar with the words used in these situations but I must say that there are no phrases or words which describe where John is right now. I want to be clear that John is in a dynamic place and one which has daily changes. What has become glaringly obvious with John's condition is that he does not seem to fit into any particular category and we are absolutely okay with that. We are happy that John is where he is and that he is slowly, but most certainly progressing. I can assure you that we do see changes daily with John and while the fact that he doesn't use words to speak to us just yet, remains an anomaly, we do communicate with him and visa-versa. We are willing to wait until we can establish a new language, even if it is one word at a time or one gesture and we see each movement, noise and even where his eyes are looking as an attempt to talk to us. It is more than enough considering how things were originally when we were watching a monitor to determine if he was in pain or excited or okay. We have become quite adept at watching his heart rate and blood pressure on the monitor and also when his IV line fluids run out and we will most assuredly become equally proficient at speaking "John".

Holly will be buying John a pair of high top tennis shoes tomorrow. These will replace the fancy boots with the fuzzy stuff on them while still giving him ankle support and preventing the drop foot problem. I was actually hoping that my Aunt Honeygal would once again be given the opportunity to pick out the shoes because I'm pretty sure they would have glitter on them or perhaps glow in the dark but Honeygal has some important responsibilities taking care of the pups and making sure things at Holly and John's house run smoothly. She continues to be supportive in an incredible way by giving us the awesome gift of not worrying about things at home. This frees Holly up to spend as much time as needed with John without needing to rush home to the dogs or figure out other arrangements for them. It has also given me the chance to spend more time with her, which is priceless. When I think about meaning in this situation, I find deep meaning in the fact that Holly and I have gained new appreciation for her love for us. It's not that we needed a renewal but we simply will never be able to thank her enough.

Tuesday June 16

John underwent the procedure to place the PEG tube today without a hitch. He continues to rest comfortably and has not been awake that much this afternoon as a result of the sedation. He will have dialysis tonight and is down to the IV line for dialysis and the PEG tube lines only. I cannot tell you how great it is to see his pretty face without all the tubes and paraphernalia. His mouth has healed from the intubation tubes and his lips and tongue are no longer swollen. There are so many times when you are standing with him that it seems as if he will just start talking to us...we believe that he will and the possibility exists that he already is communicating with us using eyes and movements. Sometimes he also seems to want to form words which sounds like moans but do not seem painful. We know he is fighting like crazy to come on back but his safe place must be really comfortable and we are grateful that he is at ease as much as he can be.

Big news!
John is moving to a long term acute care facility or (LTAC). We have selected Triumph in Tomball for this next destination in John's journey. He will be in their ICU so the visiting rules remain in effect but we hope at some point in the near future, he will be moved to an area which allows visits from those who love and miss him. Also, pretty soon, the dogs will get to visit him which will hopefully perk him up even more. This location is approximately 30 minutes from Holly's house but we were so impressed with the facility and what it has to offer in terms of treatment for John that she is willing to make the sacrifice to drive further. His mother and brother live pretty close to Triumph which will be nice. He will have a room to himself which is another positive and Holly and his family will be able to spend more time with him because even in ICU, the visiting hours are less rigid. Another positive thing about this move is that his care will be transferred to a different, yet equally skilled team of doctors who might just hold that key to unlocking the mystery of why he has not regained full consciousness as of yet. While there is some safety with picking a facility which would maintain some of his same physicians, we simply could not ignore the apparent gap in facility accommodations and honestly, the feeling we got when we entered the Triumph facility. It is only 2 years old, the staff is friendly and the physicians are some of the best around. They also have a staff of therapists to include physical therapy and occupational therapy which should help him maintain muscle strength and keep his joints from becoming rigid.

We know that we have become comfortable with where John is currently and are anxious with anticipation about moving him but we are also excited about the prospects of him improving. John has rarely shied away from a challenge in his life and we intend to honor his way of living by presenting him with every available opportunity to get better. We know that we cannot be complacent in this regard and will remain vigilant in our watch over his care. We had hoped that John might be going to a rehabilitation facility by now, but we also know that we must be patient and allow him to progress at exactly the speed he needs to. The family has gotten into a schedule of spreading out the hours in each day so that someone is with him at all available times and there will be no change in this when he is moved. This is like a relay race with each of us passing the baton to one another and the level of communication and support within the family has been excellent. You can never know how you might react in this situation but making the most of the circumstances and opportunities to be with John while simultaneously allowing time to get rest is a juggling act rivaled only by Barnum and Bailey's Big Top Circus. Everything that is happening right now comes from a place of deep, passionate love for a man who has touched each and every one of us in a truly profound way. We simply know that if the situation were reversed and one of us suffered the same tragic events, John would be the first one to volunteer to help out with unabashed, yet gentle ardor.

Monday June15

As it turns out, they were unable to place the PEG tube today because John's potassium levels were too high for anesthesia. He has been rescheduled for tomorrow but we aren't sure what time yet. He had dialysis again today as his creatinine levels remain high. Creatinine is the end product of creatine being metabolized and then eliminated from the body through urination. His kidneys are working but they simply cannot filter enough of the toxins to keep him from requiring some assistance. At this point, he has been having dialysis every other day but at some point he may start needing it more often or less often depending on how his kidneys do.

A lot of people have asked how Holly is doing and I feel that it is important to write something about it in this blog. She spends most of the day focused on getting up for the next visiting time which is on the odd hours starting at 9am and ending at 8:30pm and she then tries to go home and get some rest. She is so strong so much of the time but she does have moments when she is tired or when the days have been particularly stressful and long and she is simply unable to push out the profound feelings of grief and sadness. There are many losses in this situation and the biggest of these is the loss of her "normal life". She and John enjoyed coming home and cooking dinner together or going out with friends as most of us do. She also misses John...although he is here with us, it isn't the same as being able to talk to your spouse after a long day or simply enjoy a night of television and a good meal together and nothing replaces the emptiness of going home to the house they shared up until 2 weeks ago. They have not been separated this long the entire time they have been together and the dogs haven't been apart from John this long ever. Today was the perfect example of her pragmatic attitude and amazing strength and grace (and I'm not just saying that because she is my sister!). She was in the lobby of the hospital and having a down moment in which she was crying and sort of sitting in the fetal position trying to regain her composure and she was thinking and praying about what a cruel, situation this is. She pulled herself together and looked up and there was a mother with her son who looked to be about 4 and he had an IV and other tubes attached to him and he looked right at her and waved and said, "Hi", with a huge smile. For some reason, this random incident made her feel better and she realized on some level that this little boy was the link at that split second to her being able to be strong once again and realize the comparative and symbiotic relationship between John and this little boy. We have all found something small or some sign directly from John to be strong, and be patient, and just be. Sometimes it seems surreal and we question ourselves but there are far too many coincidences and signs to ignore. I make sure to let Holly and John know when I receive emails and she has a tremendous amount of support from family, friends and co-workers.

It could be that our prayers are being answered every day and we just have to notice or it could be that these small, sometimes isolated incidents are purposefully happening to remind us that we are not given that which we cannot handle. John seems to be a bit more alert and awake more often as the days pass. Lots of people who saw him in the first few days would be amazed to see him now. His eyes are open more and he seems interested in our voices. He is still unable to respond to verbal direction such as squeezing fingers, etc. but we are encouraged by his seemingly immediate reaction to Holly and other family members. In the next few days, we expect that he will be moved to an LTAC facility and are narrowing down the choices. When he is moved, he will still be in an ICU-style environment for the first few days or so and I will continue to update this blog daily or more frequently as necessary. I should also note that the LTAC facilities we are leaning toward are fantastic and even allow pups to visit once he is in a regular room. There is nothing like dog love and I am quite sure they will be ecstatic to see him!

Sunday June 14

We continue to look for any and all signs of even the slightest improvement with John and we do see them daily. I think that when we first heard that John was in a coma, we certainly thought that at some point he would simply wake up and be fine. What we are learning is that the journey from comatose to fully alert is a long, and tedious process. We have seen some definitive changes from last week this time and learned to derive great encouragement from the slight differences from one day to the next. We can tell he is trying and we are willing to wait.

John is no longer on assisted oxygen of any sort and is able to maintain his level of oxygenation all on his own. Physician's have also removed his feeding tube which although didn't seem to bother him was still a tube going up his nose and down his throat. Tomorrow, they will perform a procedure to place a feeding tube which will originate from his abdomen. This will give John more flexibility in terms of movement and although we approach this with trepidation because the procedure will require some sedation to keep him comfortable throughout, we know that this has to be done. The premise is that it will be so much better to do it now and work on getting John stabilized with this tube than wait longer and take the chance that there would be further problems. The good part about these kinds of tubes (called PEG tubes) is that when he longer needs it, they simply remove it without pain or additional sedation. Although we wish John could enjoy eating a perfect steak or another of his favorite meals right now, this will allow him to continue to heal and receive proper nourishment until he can do it for himself.

There was a good turnout at John and Holly's church today and thanks to everyone else who went to their own church or simply said a private prayer or meditation for John today. We continue to receive an amazing amount of sustained support and do not forget how blessed we are daily to have such a great foundation of love. John has been a basketball and a football referee over the past few years and belongs to the professional organizations which oversee these sports including the Texas Association of State Officials (TASO). Some members who are friends of John were at church with Holly today and she really wanted me to mention their kindness.

Saturday June 13 evening

Tonight, John continues to rest. We can tell that dialysis is one of those things which while keeping his kidneys functioning and filtering, does take some energy out of him and he is usually tired afterward. His abdominal catscan reveals that he has no unusual problems and that is really good news. Tonight and tomorrow, nursing staff and physicians will continue to monitor him constantly and make necessary changes. We believe that based on his level of responsiveness he is still on the path of coming back to us but we temper our excitement with the knowledge that this is a slow and systematic process.

A few days into this, I came home to a perfect Lantana Irene plant which for those of you who do not know, produces beautiful reddish orange blooms (thank you Danielle!) and happens to be one of my favorite plants as I had mentioned to her weeks earlier. The thing is, I simply cannot decide where to plant it. I want it to be the perfect location where it will receive the appropriate amount of sunshine and nourishment but I am afraid to put it in the ground where it won't thrive. I am going to plant it tomorrow and wish to send it out that we could all plant something, somewhere which might remind us of our loved ones both past and present or maybe talk to our favorite tree or plant about John. While your neighbors might think you are a bit crazy, I am quite sure that nature listens when we speak if we listen back. When I left Holly and John's house tonight, there were two cotton-tail bunnies in the front yard which made getting into the car with my Mollydog (my blue healer of 12 years!) an interesting experience but one which we enjoyed again by turning around in the cul-de-sac and heading out and seeing them eating the food that Holly had provided. Maybe the best thing about this situation is the times when we notice the unexpected!

We never expected that this situation would arise but I am certain that if roles were reversed and John were writing this blog he would want to accentuate the beauty in everything. He has two tattoos which are prominent when we visit. On his left arm is a tattoo of Jesus and crown of thorns in black ink and on his right is an ankh or elaborate cross, also in black ink, which further underscores his faith. In Holly and John's front yard is a flagpole which has both the Texas flag and the U. S. flag. I learned recently that the White in the stripes signifies purity and innocence, Red signifies hardiness & valour, and Blue signifies vigilance, perseverance & justice. Today, when I was watering the flowerbed, and ducking under the flags to get back to the hose nozzle, I thought of just how appropriate these meanings are for John's current condition. The fact that he placed these flags as a memorial to his Dad is amazing but more perfect is the juxtaposition of them flapping freely in the wind as our friend John is unable to tend to them. It gave me some strength of mind knowing that there is such deep purpose and meaning in both the way John lives his life and the symbols he chooses to be representative of him.

We don't have expectations of John's condition tomorrow. It seems like a good thing that his body knows when it is time to rest and we should heed the same warnings. So, maybe tomorrow, Sunday, is a day to sit on the front row at church, plant a favorite seedling and bless it with the love, respect and adoration that we all feel for John. Or maybe it is a time to hug and tell those closest to us just how much we love them because one thing we have learned from this experience is that you may not have that option available tomorrow.

I wish to express that any and all emails that are sent to me are being carefully saved and will be shown to John when the time is right. I receive and save all emails in hopes that John will read them and know just how much he is loved. I also tell him about them and know that even though he is in his safe place, he can come back to us when he is ready.

Saturday June 13

This morning, John had dialysis and this seemed to make him a bit restless and especially tired. When he is agitated, he pulls his hands and his feet toward his chest and raises his head off the bed. His heart rate and blood pressure is good which tells us that he is not in pain. He continues to run a low grade temperature and this afternoon, he is scheduled for a catscan of his abdomen to double-check whether an infection might be causing the fever. We continue to monitor each and every little thing and try not to get too hung up on worrying but at times, we want so badly for everything to be okay that we forget where we were just a week ago. At that time, we were hopeful for John to open his eyes and desperately waiting for signs of neurological improvement. While we still wait for further improvement, we simply cannot ignore the leaps and bounds John has made in his journey. On the weekends, our usual physicians are off and their partners take over so we do not expect any big changes in medical protocol until Monday. They come in daily but on weekends, the place has an eerie stillness to it. There are fewer people traversing the hallways and fewer people in the waiting areas except for those of us waiting for the next visiting time. The usual hustle and bustle of cleaning folks, and support staff is gone and there is a peacefulness about it.

I figure that John is just keeping his usual schedule of weekends off and maybe he was squeezing in a round of 18 holes at one of his favorite courses or doing some fishing in his safe place. Maybe he has just made the turn and hit a beautiful drive off of the 10th tee or maybe he is catching huge trout and fighting redfish at the coast. Either way, the most important thing is that he is being kept comfortable and is resting.

Friday, June 5 evening

One of the things that happen when you spend as much time in the ICU waiting room as we have is that you get to know the families of the other patients sharing space with John. We are a unique fraternity in that there are no other circumstances which might have caused our paths to cross yet we are in a situation which brings out all ranges of emotion and we travel on the same roller coaster while occupying different seats. Sometimes we are on the top of the highest hill and other patients family members are at the bottom and sometimes it is reversed and most of the time, we are at that point of anxious anticipation with our stomachs in our mouths waiting to hear what the next hurdle might be. We ask each other every day how things are going and sometimes it is a tearful nod and sometimes there are bright smiles and good news and a lot of times, we are all simply waiting. We talk about John and they talk about their mother who has recently undergone bypass surgery or another man talks about his mother's infection and how she is doing. The lexicon is unique in that when we say, "How are you", we are really asking so much more. What I can tell you is that there are fervent fans in the waiting room more devout than any team affiliation. We tell stories about John and hear stories about their loved ones prior to whatever event has caused them to be in that ICU waiting room. My favorite family has the Mom who is in her 80's and has had heart bypass surgery. This woman was using an elliptical trainer two weeks ago and chasing her great grandchild which is more than I can say about myself! Her daughters and husband don't miss a chance to see her and often spend the entire day in the waiting room until that next small window when they can go in and comfort her and they comfort us too. Another gentleman seems to never leave the hospital. I pass him daily to and from the parking lot and today he received some good news and we were first to hear. I could tell by the look on his face that some of the strain was gone and his jaw was less clenched. The kindness of people in this situation astounds me and truly makes the seemingly endless hours waiting, go by faster. There is also a hospital intern named Matt who is stuck in the business center doing paperwork who has also had to be a therapist. He probably signed up for the internship knowing there would be some grunt work but not knowing that he would be spending his first two weeks listening to our family's issues however you must admit that this could no doubt help his skills as hospital administrator. He has a kind and familiar face and seems like the little brother that Holly and I never had. I should mention that this is an unpaid internship!

Today, John received some new shoes which are quite elegant. They have lambs wool (probably synthetic so please don't call P.E.T.A. on us!) on the ball and heel of the foot and go up to near his knees. This will help with the "drop foot" issue and allow nurses to keep an eye on his feet and toes. I am pretty sure that astronauts boots are made by the same manufacturer! There are also these velcro wraps around his calves which inflate every so often to make sure no blood clots form. He is also on a super fancy bed which can best be described as a series of air pillows laid on their sides. This is to help preclude any pressure spots and allow him to be comfortable in pretty much any position. I was thinking that it would be an amazing bed to curl up on and take a nap were the circumstances different.

Today, Holly and John's brother Ray shaved his head. John usually does this every day and he seemed to feel pretty! He was turning his head toward voices and when Holly asked him for a kiss he made a fish gesture with his mouth. He did this more than once and really seems to be turning his head toward us and wanting so badly to respond. He moves his legs and arms at times and although is not doing these things on command, it isn't spastic and is so calculated as if we put his hand in the wrong place and he is showing us where he wants it. I must say that if you don't like being touched or talked to, ours is definitely the wrong family to be sick in! John will probably not want a hug for years after this and I can't say as I blame him.

This weekend, we aren't expecting many changes and we just keep watching and being with John as he slowly and methodically emerges from his safe place.

I want to express that while this blog provides information to lots of people, I find it cathartic and hope that at some point John will read it and know that he is so loved. My goal remains being able to allow everyone to stand at his bedside and see things through our eyes. If specific questions arise, please do not hesitate to email me at the link provided. Holly also asked me to remind folks about church on Sunday (see earlier post for details) and welcome everyone to come including those that might not know John well. We know that some people want to support those of us on the periphery and have become attached to his well-being because it is so important to us. We are grateful for John's daily progress and also for the constant, unfaltering support from you.

Friday June 12 morning

So, I arrived at the hospital this morning in the most hideous tie dyed shirt I could whip out of the closet. While most of the hospital staff and people around sort of look at me like I might be homeless, I can tell John loves it! He is extremely alert this morning and is turning his head toward voices and ugly shirts. Also, a disco ball magically appeared at the hospital a day or so ago (thanks Natalie!) and we hung it. There are two windows in his room so Holly keeps the blinds up so John can see out and keep an eye on the ducks. The greatest part about this ball is that the sunlight is shining in on it and it is spinning so there are little moving beads of light all over the room. The nursing staff and physicians are actually enjoying it too.

His white blood count remains high indicating he is still fighting an infection of some sort. He is now taking a different antibiotic which will hopefully take care of any belligerent infections. John is currently being bathed which we are certain will make him feel like a million bucks. Most of us do not like to be dirty but John is particularly fastidious in this regard. He is an extremely clean person and likes it when things are in their place. A good example of this is that their yard is so well manicured, it could double as a park area for the north side of Houston!

Holly and I will be going to look at some long term acute care facilities (LTAC). We want to have a clear picture in our minds of the available options when physicians decide it is time for him to move to the next step and that way we can make an informed decision.

Thursday June 11 evening

Today was a day of spending time with John and continuing to give him love and support. There is no new medical news to report, which is in our minds a good thing but these hours pass slowly. While we wait for some appreciable differences in his neurological and physical status we are also calmed and comforted by the love we receive from our friends and relatives. He seemed to be more responsive tonight and especially pleased with his brother's voice. There is rarely a time when we go very long without a call or email or comment on this blog and I must say that each of them affects us in a deep and meaningful way. We look to this space as a place of love and we continue to wait and keep vigilant by his bedside for any changes. We let John know that he is never alone and we are here for him and we never stray far from letting him know just how many people are thinking about and praying for him.

I would like to say from a personal standpoint that I am extremely lucky to work for the Texas Veteran's Commission and to work for a supervisor who truly has given me the freedom and understanding to know that I need to be with Holly and John. By the way, her name is Connie Jacksits and she is my personal hero! I had to make the phone call that none of us wants to make last Friday and there was absolutely no hesitation in her voice when she said, "Don't come to Austin, be with your sister, and with John". I cannot tell you the feeling of relief that she and my co-workers have provided. They have sent emails and texts and although we don't often see each other, I feel like I was with them this week, which happened to be our annual training. I hope at some point everyone can wake up go to work and love their jobs just as much as I do. Seeing firsthand the fragility of life might bring us all to the point of re-questioning our place here on earth and even our work here, but I am blessed to be exactly where I am right now. I am blessed and so very lucky to have both the drive to do something good in my job and the ability and flexibility to do something good here with Holly and John.

Holly's job has also been flexible and wonderful. Upchurch Kimbrough has given her a gift which is immeasurable in that she is able to take the time needed to be with John for as long as needed to get him better. We can say, "Thank you", but words are not adequate in this regard. All of her co-workers are pitching in to help handle her accounts and make sure that her customers are well taken care of. Also, the school district and particularly Spring Branch Elementary faculty have helped so much in their query to help John and us with benefits, and so many other things and his co-workers have provided non-stop love and support during this difficult time.

We know that it would be impossible to thank everyone for everything because there has been such a tremendous show of support and adoration for our beloved John but please know, that each of you in every way touches us in inexplicable ways and we love hearing from you here.

Thursday June 11 morning

John's kidneys still are not where they need to be in terms of functionality. He will continue to go through dialysis every other day until this changes. The doctors aren't sure why they are not working properly but they remain vigilant in making sure that they have the opportunity to heal by using dialysis to take some of the pressure off of them.

At this point we continue in a sort of holding pattern, keeping John comfortable and medically stable is a full-time job. He had a chest x-ray yesterday to make sure his lungs are okay and not filling with fluid as a result of being in bed and unable to take deep breaths and they look fine which is good news. Each minor thing in his situation can become a larger problem because he is not ambulatory or able to move his limbs, extremities. At some point soon, additional neurological tests will be performed to try to assess what might be keeping him in this coma but we have been told that this is not uncommon and unfortunately it is a medical mystery as to how long it might last. We can tell by his heart rate and blood pressure that John is not in pain which is comforting and of course, we remain hopeful that he will soon feel safe enough to return to us.

Wednesday june 10 evening

This afternoon, John had hiccups. Now, most of us find the hiccups annoying but imagine the residual pain of what he has been through coupled with body jarring hiccups. Luckily, there is a medication which should help squelch them and get him back to uninterrupted healing. It made me think about the little things. The way that we become so accustomed to our routines that we begin to forget about the beautiful things along the way. This isn't intentional nor does it mean that we cannot enjoy most of our days and nights, but driving, eating, and even breathing are so rote in our brains that we do most of these things without a second thought. From now on, I guess I will always think of today when I get the hiccups.

Holly and John's largest Boston Terrier, Gracie was outside on the back patio sitting on a lawn chair today when I stopped by. Their house is less than 10 minutes from his hospital room so we sometimes retreat there for some puppy kisses or to visit with my Aunt Honeygal who has so wonderfully stayed with Holly during this difficult time. The thing is that it was really hot outside and Gracie is mostly black but she was just looking at the flowers and up at the clouds and you could tell that the warm sun felt really good to her. John hasn't been able to feel the sun on him in a little over 7 days now and I would bet he misses it. As I was leaving the hospital later, I walked through the double glass electric doors and was hit really hard with that wall of hot Houston air. My first reaction was to think how hot it was in a complaining way but I stopped myself. I remembered Gracie and just enjoyed it. I plan on telling John all about it tomorrow!

Wednesday June 10 midday

John has remained stable throughout the day and around lunchtime, the physical therapist came in and showed us some exercises we can do with him to keep his joints moving well and hopefully help him maintain some of his strength until he can do it for himself. We know that John has about zero percent body fat and I must say that when we work with his legs, I'm not sure if we are helping him exercise or if he is exercising us! He seems to enjoy this movement and if he is sleeping when we do it, he usually opens his eyes in reaction to it. John loves to work out so maybe if we can convince him that he is at the gym, he will come back to us.

Special Announcement:
The outpouring of emails and well wishes continues to amaze us. Thank you so much for the emails and responses to this blog. I forward them to Holly and she responds as best she can when she gets a free moment. When Holly and John go to church, John always wants to sit on the front row. She said that she thinks this is because he has a touch of Attention Deficit Disorder so sitting on the front row forces him to pay attention throughout the entire service. She would like to invite everyone to join her on the front row of their church, Houston Northwest Baptist at 19911 State Highway 249 Houston, TX 77070 and their website is: www.hnw.org and the service time is 10:45 am on Sunday June 14, 2009. Another option for those of you out-of-towner's would be to sit on the front row at your respective church as a shout out to John! The attire at their church is casual.

Wednesday June 10 morning

Well, we are getting to the point that there is less and less to report in terms of events. We see this as a good thing and are starting to reap some of the stability we have so desperately craved. John underwent dialysis late last night and tolerated it well. Hopefully this will help remove more of the toxins from his blood and give his kidneys a chance to go back into high gear. The good part is that they are functioning but we need them to do more so that dialysis is no longer needed. Additionally, John is still fighting an infection and while he is on antibiotics, he runs a bit of a fever at times which nursing staff manage with medicine.

We read to John, talk to him, watch television or listen to the radio with him all in an effort to coax him back to us. We have also gotten some great ideas about what to do with his room. My favorite idea came from Beth who thinks we should bring in a mirrored ball and a lava lamp to give John some entertaining things to look at! I am not sure that the ICU staff would appreciate me up on a ladder installing that ball and they would probably be even less appreciative that we are trying to bring disco back! In the meantime, we will hope that us being with him is enough because I can tell you...him being with us is far more than enough...it's a miracle!

Tuesday June 9 Evening

John will receive dialysis tonight until about midnight which will hopefully alleviate some of the acids and sedation in his blood. When I was with him at 5pm his eyes were open wide and he is being given exceptional care by his nurse, Jennifer. I don't have a lot to report in terms of change but we are in a holding pattern at this point.

We circle around his bedside and talk to him constantly and keep hoping that he might hear something or see something which will make him comfortable enough to wake fully. I am wearing bright t-shirts to the point that I actually donned a bright orange Houston Astro's shirt. Their record is astounding enough to make anyone mad and their logo is on the front of my shirt! I'm not sure it helps but I figure tomorrow I might try lime green in an attempt to catch his eye. Bumble bees and humming birds are attracted to bright colors and I am too, and I think if nothing else the colors might make him happy in an otherwise dark place. The family is getting into a rhthym of taking turns during visiting hours to make sure that we are spread out and get rest in between. The hospital staff have certain things that they have to accomplish and we do not want to impede their efforts, however we also do not want to miss the chance to let John know how much we love him.

These are long hours but we are learning something which cannot be taught and that is patience. We all want so much to happen in such a short period of time but we know that we must be patient, and be calm and wait. All of us want to fix what is wrong and make everything better but I write to you seven days, two hours and fifteen minutes away from thinking that I might not see John alive again. It is so hard to believe that it has been a full week since this horrible thing happened. At that time, I simply prayed for him to be okay. Well, my and everyone's prayers were answered and now, what we have to do is simply give him the time he needs to be where he needs to be. He deserves all the time he needs to heal from his injuries and he has earned all of the love and support we can muster.

His previous neurologist (from back surgery 3 years ago) went to see John and called Holly afterward. He is now a personal friend of theirs now and told us of how it breaks his heart to see John unable to joke with him and not alert. He was candid when he told us that he thinks there is good reason to believe that because John is where he is right now that the chance is there for John to recover. He also mentioned that for John to be without a breathing tube so soon is remarkable and that he sustained so much so early on is a testament to John's amazing physical strength.

Some have asked about what they can do or give to support the family and I want to say that at this point, things are taken care of. We want to express that there are simply no words to express the level of appreciation and gratitude all of us feel from the bottom of our hearts. I promise that as needs arise, I will make them public on this blog!