This evening, I took all 3 dogs to see John (which is a trick!). This is the first time the whole family has been together in one place since June 2 and he was thrilled, picking each of them up individually and kissing and hugging them and wanting to walk them and pet them, etc. You could just tell how happy he was that they were there!
It's consistently hard for us to believe that it has been this many days since John's heart attack. We talk frequently about how things were in June and then July and it has been quite a journey for John and also for those of us who love and are close to him. We are now placated with the knowledge that he is medically stable and it feels good at moments to revel in that. But there are still times when we worry about his future, about his brain healing and about what the next steps are. We have learned that with each major change John has improved so there is comfort in knowing that even though we know there will be more changes, the improvement will continue as well. There are parts of this process which are temporary such as his stay at TIRR or his continued rehabilitation process and where that might occur but what is certain is that we know that John has been given every single possible opportunity to heal and be nurtured. We do not believe that if we were millionaires he could have received better care because there are millionaires on his wing at TIRR but we do know every day how blessed we are that John has good insurance. I'm not sure what happens when that isn't the case and that alternative is a scary one to consider.
We know that our options for predicting the future are limited and it gives us a rare opportunity to become aware that the same is true in our own lives. We cannot choose what happens to us each day and events which happen in split seconds change people and lives forever. Today, we were talking with a former patient of TIRR who still goes there for work out sessions who dove into a swimming pool wrong and didn't hit the concrete at the bottom of the pool but the simple force of him hitting the surface of the water broke his neck and rendered him paralyzed from the waist down for the rest of his life. Now, those of you who know me know that math isn't particularly my strong point but I can't even imagine the calculations you would have to figure out the odds of that happening in that way again. He said something that sticks with me as I write..."I wish every day that I could go back and change that moment of my life". The truth is that we probably all have moments in our lives we would like to change none of which include such dire consequences.
A recent email from John's referee buddy, Jose Nava included something that I think sums up John and his situation perfectly:
"Thanks, to you and Holly for keeping the blog going, please tell John he is always my hero, and It is because he has blessed so many that he has been blessed to continue to recover."
I believe that Jose is exactly right and while we cannot change the future, we can change the present and be better for it when tragedy strikes.
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