Wednesday July 1

John continues to make progress and consistently surprise us. He seems to want to speak so badly and form sentences which for whatever reason simply cannot be formed so that we might fully understand. We listen intently and watch his every move for any sign that he might be giving us which might help to give us clues as to how to access him and reach a friendly and guiding hand back toward him like a lifeguard might help a person who needs help. Holly certainly has the ability to reach and communicate with John like no other person can which is understandable. He just lights up when she is in the room and I have personally observed her leaving and stayed in the room and he has a sense of longing for her and you can almost feel that he wants to tell us he misses her. We all feel a response from him when we are close and his eyes get wide or he moves his mouth to say something. We tell him that we are here and it's okay if he can't speak just yet. We reassure him that he is okay and we tell him exactly where he is and what has happened over the past 4 weeks. He must get tired of us rambling on but the day he tells me to shut up is the day I will be ecstatic! Holly mentioned that today, John squeezed her hand when asked and continues to eat and drink like crazy.

John had back surgery a few years back and one day while Holly was working, I came and stayed with him at the hospital. During that day, I got to be near John in a way I hadn't been before. He was ready to put on his Nike t-shirt and workout shorts so I helped him put on his shorts but with his IV, we couldn't use a regular T-shirt. So, I happened to have a swiss army knife in my backpack (yes, I was a girl scout at one time a long time ago and no, there are no metal detectors at that hospital!) and I got to work. I cut the bottom of the hospital gown so it was the length of a normal t-shirt and cut the top right shoulder area in half (to facilitate his IV line). Then I used the ties from the lower part to make shoestring-like bows to hold the sleeve of the gown I had cut at the top. Now, I'm no seamstress but I think that this garment could be entered in the Project Runway hospital gown couture edition! If I had had a bit more time, I might have even fashioned a cool pair of running shorts out of the remaining material! He was in a great deal of pain that day and while we still had some light moments I think he knew that it was okay to be a bit vulnerable and I felt that it bonded our friendship even further. At times, he was sleepy and I would sit and read and then they got him up for the first time while I was there and he was really nauseous. There was an air conditioning vent near the window of his room and he would stand over that vent and let it blow on his face and look outside and then he would want to walk some more because they had told him that the sooner he walked he got to go home. I'm pretty sure John would have jogged past the nurses station giving a parade wave and then thrown up back in the room if he thought he would get out that day! What I learned about John then was just how strong a person he is. They put screws and plates in his back and he and I and the surgeon had a conversation about it and John's only question was how soon would he be back to feeling normal and able to go home. I sometimes wonder if that is what he is trying to say now. He may be asking us what he needs to do to get better, or to appease the staff enough so that he can return to his home and beloved wife and puppies. Until we know for sure, we will keep supporting and nurturing him in his current environment and hoping it feels somewhat like home and keep letting him know that he will be okay.