Thursday July 30

During physical therapy today, John was given the huge task of walking a dog! They have dogs at TIRR which are specially trained to be around patients who have difficulty walking or who may have crutches or other equipment which might scare an average dog. He seemed to love this process and they even worked with him calling the dog to improve the volume of his voice. We all know that John loves animals but it only seems perfectly appropriate that they might be able to show him some love in reverse. Sometimes our animals can speak to us in ways that no human can and in general, those of us animal lovers have a connection with them that is on a spiritual level. After all...
"All God's creatures got a place in the choir
Some sing low, some sing higher
Some sing out loud on the telephone wire
And some just clap their hands or paws or anything they got now"

I really hope these are the correct lyrics...going mostly by memory but if you can name that song then give yourself something special today! Even if you can't name that song, give yourself the gift of hugging or kissing or saying, "I love you" to someone close to you. You just never know how much that might mean in the big scheme of things.

Wednesday July 29

This photo was taken today with Holly's phone. It's a little blurry but I think you can see that John is now standing with very little assistance. Today, he also jogged a little (which believe it or not may be easier for him because he is on his toes more) and even went up and down a flight of stairs. He still requires a bit of help for stability but it is pretty obvious that it won't be long before he is walking, jogging or even jumping. His legs get stronger by the day and they seem to struggle less holding his body upright. Even when he is in his wheelchair, he is constantly pushing himself around with his feet and pushing off of things with his hands. He seems to enjoy physical therapy the most this photo is of Holly, John and Charles who is one of John's physical therapists. Stacie and Charles work with John every weekday and have gotten to know him very well. They are able to evaluate patients based on their ability levels and progress and report that John is ahead of the curve! They also mentioned that the best way for John to learn is to make things into tasks. For example, telling him to bend over isn't as effective as asking him to pick something up off of the floor. We think it is incredible how well they know him already and appreciate so much each hour they work with him. Their patience is boundless and their enthusiasm is stunning especially when you keep in mind that they are doing these exercises with John and they have lots of other patients. It must be essentially like a full day of working out. The smiles on their faces are real and their level of caring is genuine. We have found this to be true of TIRR staff as a whole. There is a camaraderie among these warriors...they have seen and helped the worst of the worst and made miracles happen when others said it wasn't possible and they are doing the same with John.

I thought it appropriate to mention something that has been really great for John. He selected and has been paying for short and long-term disability insurance as part of his benefits package through his school. The reason I mention it, is that it is a wonderful thing and if you have the option to select it you needn't look further than John's situation to realize how vital it can be. Holly and John certainly never planned for, or in their wildest dreams imagined this could happen but they feel blessed and lucky that John has long-term disability which will help supplement their family budget until John is able to return to work. It is a percentage of his usual income but it will definitely help when it comes to mortgage and car payments and other miscellaneous bills and has provided a huge sense of relief to Holly. This situation has caused most of us close to John to go back and reexamine our benefits and I can't tell you how much of a relief it is that John made the decision to make that selection so many years ago. A lot of employees make benefit selections in August (myself included) so I just thought I'd mention it!

Tuesday July 28

I wanted to share an email I received from one of John's co-workers. I get emails almost daily from folks who love John and keep up with his progress. This email articulates what he means to his co-workers more succinctly and more beautifully than I ever could! I should also mention that if you have some words you feel you want to share, please feel free to email me or make comments in that section here on the blog.

Hi Melanie,

I just wanted to send an e-mail to let you know how much it has meant having John's blog to read and stay updated on his progress. I am a kindergarten teacher at SBE and have worked with John for 6 years. In those 6 years I have seen the impact John has had on the students at our school, especially since a lot of them do not have a positive male role model in their lives. He really shows them that he cares about them and when they are with him, they are encouraged to have fun and be themselves. He also teaches the students how to play games and participate in activities that no one else has taught them and I believe this helps them because they remember these things when they go home, then play these games with their friends instead of getting into trouble with other activities. He also jokes around with these students, which is important, since many of these kids don't have a lot to smile about and have to worry about so many things going on in their homes. His jokes also extend to the staff, which makes working at SBE a fun experience and helps us to lighten up a little and puts a smile on all of our faces. We always talk about how he is like a celebrity at our school because there is not one student who doesn't yell "Coach" when they see him and give him a high five or a hug.

Starting the year without him, just won't be the same. He is going to be missed greatly, but I have faith that he will be back at SBE soon, bringing smiles to our faces again. Thank you for doing such a wonderful job writing the blog, it helps to know how he is doing.

Sincerely,

JoLee Marker

Monday July 27

It is easy to become lulled into a place of peace as John continues his journey. While early on, we were almost frantic waiting for each and every phone call and frantic to be with him as much as possible and the sense of worry never left long enough to enjoy a full night of sleep or even a meal. We have gotten a bit past that point but some days bring us back full circle to the reality that this is a daily battle and at times, even minute by minute.

Today John went on a field trip to a Super Target. His brother Hudd accompanied him and this is part of his therapy. He is given a list of items to find (chicken, brownie mix, and some vegetables) and also given the opportunity to purchase items to help him with money issues. John did great and had absolutely no trouble with either of these tasks and actually spent most of the time walking with minimal assistance from Hudd. He has gotten to the point where he needs only a hand on a firm shoulder in order to take steps however this was a lot of steps and the most he has walked since June 2. He seemed to thrive throughout the trip and thanked Hudd and the therapists upon their return to the hospital.

Soon after, he became somewhat verbally unresponsive and was not answering questions. His eyes were open but he seemed to not be hearing what people were saying to him so his physician was called to evaluate him. As it turns out, the brain can go into a sort of sensory overload and just sort of take a cat nap until it can catch up with what has happened. His eyes were bright but it was so reminiscent of his early days in the hospital that it was a bit scary in that he was not talking to us. He got a nice long nap in and when he woke up I helped him into his wheelchair (he does most of the work on his own at this point) and took him into the common area where he ate a great meal. While he was eating I was flipping through a sports equipment magazine which had lots of commemorative jerseys in it and he was able to give me the first names of many of the baseball players and told me that the best basketball player ever in the NBA is Michael Jordan which I absolutely agree with. He also mentioned some baseball players by number like Reggie Jackson and Craig Biggio! As always, John and I seem to have a level of calm and I consistently enjoy talking with him whether it's about sports or whatever he might want to talk about. Although his progress continues as steady, we recognize that at times there will be some minor setbacks and we also recognize that we must remain ever vigilant about being patient and having more of a big picture, long-term perspective without getting caught up when things seem to go a bit awry. It is easy to understand why his physicians want to keep his treatment plan centered around his daily schedule and routine. These field trips will continue on Mondays and while we now know that he will need some rest after them and the chance to recharge his batteries we fully recognize the sheer benefits of this process of reintegration into his regular life.

Saturday July 25

It turns out that from my house to TIRR is only 5.4 miles by bicycle. In Houston, there is a series of bayou trails for running or cycling and this is the perfect excuse I needed to get to riding again. When I got there, Holly and Paulette brought John down to the courtyard so we got to hang out a bit and spend some time outside. It hasn't been quite as miserable in the mornings these past few days and John absolutely loves being outside. Paulette brings him things to feed the birds and this morning it was a bagel which they devoured. It looked a bit like a Hitchcock movie the way they were surrounding him but John didn't seem bothered at all. While we were in the courtyard there was a lot of commotion and I looked over to realize that a small pigeon had fallen from it's nest. Another patient told me that there is a nurse who works at TIRR who cares for sick and injured animals and helps them so I picked up the bird and we wrapped it in a small towel to be taken to the nurse. This place never ceases to amaze me in that the people who work here are healers in every way and it wasn't all that surprising that they care about animals too. Hopefully that bird can be nursed back to health and soon be enjoying some treats from John.

Friday July 24

This afternoon, I had the pleasure of getting beat at cards by John and happened to get lucky enough to capture it on film! We were playing no limit hold 'em and John ended up with aces and two's to my lowly pair of eights. I am now $10,000 dollars in debt to John. He has so graciously allowed me to make payments of ten dollars per month for the rest of my life to settle up!

Hopefully, I will have the opportunity to go double or nothing with him and even out the scoreboard. One thing we noticed while playing cards with him is that he remembers the rules of the game and knew that he had a great hand. I know that doesn't seem like much but hold 'em and other similar card games require reasoning, memory and the ability to make good bets. He doubled the bet knowing that he had a great hand. We also played a bit of blackjack and he would separate face cards (as if splitting his hand) and I would swear he even tried to cheat a bit! For those of you who have ever played board or card games with John, he is known for his cheating...it entertains him throughout the game and is always done in jest!

Every weekend, they have activities such as bingo and Wii bowling so hopefully he will be participating in these games too. Pretty much anything he can do to help with coordination of mind and body is a good thing at this point and he seems to enjoy it a great deal. He doesn't like to sit still and even when he is in his wheelchair, he continuously wants to push himself along with his feet. It will not be long before he is walking and won't require the wheelchair but in the meantime, they keep using it as a vehicle to strengthen his legs. He also enjoys flipping light switches on and off as you stroll down the corridors with him and pretty much any switch or cord within reach is a target and we are just grateful that there are no fire alarms to pull within arms length!

Thursday July 23-Attention S.B.I.S.D. Personnel!!!

One of the things we all know about John is just how passionate he is about his job. He truly enjoys getting up each day and going to work and always has great stories about, "His kids" and the things they do which keep him entertained on a daily basis, and we get to reap the benefits by hearing the stories secondarily. I must tell you that hearing these stories makes me appreciate teachers as never before and also enables me to understand why that path did not present itself to me! It takes patience on levels unimaginable and those who we remember from our childhoods as great teachers are those who love what they do. My personal favorite teacher simply paid a bit of extra time to me on a day when I needed it most and I'm pretty sure there will someday be adults who remember the same about John. Sometimes it seems as if our lives are a series of waves in the ocean and maybe John creates an extra wave which continues to ripple toward the shore and encompasses everything and everyone in it's path including those he teaches and works with.

Many of you who work with John have emailed to ask if there is something you could do. As it turns out, John's leave will end soon and there is an opportunity for his fellow Spring Branch Independent School District employees to donate a day of leave toward his cause. Each day of leave will provide one to John which he will need to get him to the next phase of his treatment and the hopeful eventual return to work. Obviously, we absolutely understand if you have familial obligations or simply do not feel comfortable donating but if you feel inclined, here is the form:

Donated Days Form

Here are the instructions as to what to do after you fill it out:
Attached is a copy of the donated day form. Any employee of SBISD can donate days to John-all they need to do is complete the attached form and send it to Trisha in the payroll department for processing. Vicki is facilitating this process and I would like to personally thank her on behalf of all of us. Also, if you have any problems, with submission of forms or questions about leave, please contact her:

Vicki Louis

Employee Leave Specialist

Spring Branch ISD

Phone 713-251-2357

Fax 713-365-4879

I have also heard that photos are much appreciated so I promise to get some more in the next few days and post them here. I should say that John continues to participate in his treatment fully and also challenge himself and his own achievements as few people do. Missing even a few days of seeing him makes me realize just how much he is progressing and even more importantly, it makes me grateful for just how far he has come.

Wednesday July 22

Today, John was able to walk even better and further than yesterday. While I mentioned previously that he might have his other leg casted or possibly require splinting on both of his feet, it now appears that since he is taking steps (albeit assisted by a walker-type mechanism), he may not need either. The best way to describe what John is doing is similar to pushing a shopping cart through a grocery store so he should be quite adept at navigating the aisles of the H.E.B. near his home when that time comes. I hope he will pay particular attention to the seafood areas of the store because his fried catfish, shrimp and even boiled crab are second to none!

Suffice to say at this point that John continues to do incredibly well. I neglected to mention that John had the last of the tubes removed from his body two days ago. The last one was his feeding tube but he has been eating well and no longer requires supplemental feeding of any kind. His kidneys have healed beyond any of our wildest expectations and he is not receiving any intravenous medications and his body is healing well from the tube wound sites. He takes needed pills orally now and will continue to get necessary medications while at TIRR and will receive nutrients and other medications the same way the rest of us do...with a big cup of water! He will also continue to get daily visits by physicians and therapists and we continue to put great faith in their accute abilities and so far have been nothing but impressed.

Tuesday July 21

I'm not sure who all reads this blog but it seems important to me at this point to bring up some things we have dealt with since June 2 which might be beneficial knowledge if you are ever in a similar situation. I particularly want to hone in on a few statements which have been made by physicians (some, considered outstanding in their field). It is imperative not to skim this post because some of these statements are shocking and might be misunderstood taken out of context. The sentences in quotes were told to us along John's journey and while we listened, and were at times believing and bewildered at what we heard, we just knew better...we know John and they don't, and we know his drive and passion and faith and they don't. While they can account for some physiological responses to what he has been through, and what they might have seen in patients previously, they DO NOT know John. I would like to stress that this particular blog posting sort of accentuates the negative things we have heard and I do want everyone to know that the positive statements were very prevalent as well. I think the primary reason the negative ones stick is because they are the ones which preclude you from sleep and cause you to worry every minute of every day.

Within the first few days:
"John has only brain stem activity. His brain is not functioning other than his brain stem."
-two days later John opened his eyes and began breathing without the need for a respirator

Within the first week:
"John may be opening his eyes but this is a very basic response and since his pupils are not equal, he has probably sustained immense, irreversible brain damage."
-later that day, John began being able to respond yes and no by blinking his eyes or keeping them closed

Within the first week and 1/2:
"The fact that John is balling up his fists and not able to grab hands on command shows a huge problem...probably a large section of his brain is damaged"
-less than a week later, John and his brother Hudd began doing a sort of arm wrestle in which Hudd clearly felt John pulling

Within the first 2 weeks:
"John may be responding with groans and moans but the chance of him ever speaking intelligible sentences is nonexistent"
-that afternoon, John clearly said my name, Melanie and several other words like; yes, Holly and even Honeygal

Approximately 3 weeks ago:
"Will John ever be able to feed himself? No. Absolutely not. And he won't recognize people or ever walk"
-Within the past few days, John has begun feeding himself and today, for the first time; he took his first steps...yes you read me correctly! When his physical therapist stood him up today, he told her he wanted to walk so she got a rolling cart for him to support his upper body with and took steps and made it a full 30 feet down the hallway!

I suppose my point with this posting is the whole never give up hope idea coupled with the fact that if you are reading this you know John, or one of us, so it is personal. One of the things we love about John's current situation is that what John will or will not be able to do is not only not discussed but seems irrelevant by TIRR standards. They seem to know that putting barricades in front of patients might give a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy type of effect and they are willing to admit the hardest thing...that even as physicians, they just don't know. John amazes us daily and while we know that there will probably be some setbacks, John is progressing well.

Monday July 20

This morning, John's physician's put a cast on his left foot and lower leg area. This will remain on his leg for approximately 24 hours in an attempt to get his muscles to the point where they are stretched a bit and can then be splinted to help his calves get strong enough to begin walking. This has made him a bit uncomfortable and can best be described as having your muscle flexed for that 24 hour span so he is receiving some pain medication to alleviate any discomfort. The idea from here forward is that this cast is temporary and while they will most likely cast his other leg as soon as this one comes off (they only do one at a time) that will be temporary as well. Although we hate for him to be uncomfortable for even a brief period of time, we know that this will help him exponentially in the short and long term. At this point, any intervention is absolutely necessary and hopefully will allow John to have great success and make amazing strides in the coming days and weeks. These casts and splints are essential in helping John's legs regain the muscle tone and flexibility to stand on his own and hopefully begin walking again.

TIRR is in the business of making miracles happen and we believe that John will be added to the roster of supernatural feats. He seems to have gotten into a rhythm of therapeutic sessions and eating and sleep, and visits from specialists and family members. Hopefully, over the next few weeks he will get further entrenched in his rehabilitation program and his great progress will continue to amaze and astound us and everyone around him. We deeply appreciate your continued prayers and support and I must say that it is incredible this many weeks in, how many folks email and check in daily. We know that he feels this love and support and can't wait for him to show you how much he loves you too.

Sunday July 19

Today was a great day for John. We arrived and began spending time with him to give Holly a chance to get back and get cleaned up for her return later in the day. He continues to love to be outside and feed the numerous birds around. We were taking him back up to his room for lunch when we noticed that the gymnasium door was open. There are a lot of different machines and I found a basketball and handed it to him and his face lit up like you would not believe. He dribbled the ball and even passed it to us as you will see in the pictures.

I should mention that I have terrible hand eye coordination so I'm pretty sure he was a bit frustrated with my skills but luckily Kara played ball in high school and they passed the ball quite a bit and he lobbed the ball to her several times as an assist to make baskets. I think that using photographs at this point speaks volumes when words can't so this is a collection of photographs taken today. Tonight, Holly took Chanel (Paulette's Boston Terrier) up to see John and although we don't have photos, he held his arms out and gave her lots of kisses and held her and seemed really excited to see her.

John will continue another week of intensive therapy which should prove to give him even more strength. His sessions become more difficult as he progresses and provide a challenge to him to get his muscle movement and mass a chance to develop. He makes an impact on those around him each day including staff, patients, and of course us.

Saturday July 18

Today in Houston, it miraculously rained and Holly happened to have John outside at the time. This is the first time John has felt rain on his face or seen it hit the ground since before June 2, 2009. He absolutely loves being outside and seems to enjoy it and take in more of his surroundings each time he goes. There are a ton of pigeons and various other birds of different sizes and vehicles and emergency vehicles rushing by. Holly asked him if he wanted to feed the birds and he said emphatically yes. She gave him some animal crackers which he promptly started squishing in the package and dumping on the ground. This seems so typical of John and pretty soon the birds will probably start looking for him to come out!

Also, at meal times, John has begun to pray prior to eating. At first, Holly thought he was confused or needed something but then as she watched, it became apparent that he was taking a moment to say grace. Needless to say, this is very typical of John and we will need to wait a bit longer before he consumes his meals!

John has great nursing care and the above photo is of he and Carol who was his nurse this weekend and one of his biggest advocates. I have also posted a picture of him drinking tea and he is to the point where he eats and drinks pretty much without assistance. He wants to hold his own glass of tea and his utensils and takes bites of the things he wants and drinks the items he wants as he enjoys his meal. It turns out that my photo flipping actually reversed his Cougars shirt but you get the idea.

Friday July 17

Today, John was taken by transport ambulance to Hermann Hospital to remove the catheter which has been providing his dialysis. This is an awesome development as it shows that his kidneys have healed and are no longer in need of extemporaneous support. Yesterday, his line which was in his right arm was removed so what this means is that John is line-free. There are no more tubes attached to him and he is in the process of re-learning how to urinate and do the other all on his own. During his treatment sessions, the lines in his arm and chest which had been there precluded him from his normal, natural movement so these being removed should only help with mobility and overall stability. He tolerated the trip well and I actually got to be involved in the removal of the line today and hold his hand. His mother, Paulette was also there but it is her son and she is a bit squeamish seeing blood so she waited next to us. She also rode in the ambulance with him from TIRR to Hermann and back and was soothing for him in case he needed a familiar face.

I will tell you that so far we have been remarkably lucky in that our parking situation has been easy. Today, trying to find parking and trying to find out where John was made me realize how grateful I am that so far parking and navigating has not been a problem. While Memorial Hermann Hospital is a truly exceptional facility, you need to be Magellan or kind of know your way around to figure out first where to park your car and second how to get from the parking garage to where the patients are. I'm quite sure that any of you who might have had to plot a course through that area understand, I cannot understand how it would be possible under duress!

John had an eventful week and while the weekends are a bit calmer and he won't have the intensive therapy he has recently experienced, he is tired and worn out and it makes sense that they give patients a bit of respite over the weekends. The physicians and therapists continue to make rounds and his nurses and other support staff will continue to care for him, he gets to relax a bit and take in all that is going on.

Tomorrow, Holly will spend the day with him and at some point this weekend I get to go play dominoes with him. I will take photos of him beating me and promise to post them here. I wish to express deep gratitude to Holly's co-workers and bosses who have allowed her this time off to be with John and although the transition back to full time work will be difficult, she receives great consolation that he is being well cared for and is in the best possible environment at this point in his recovery.

Thursday July 16

Over the next few days, John will continue to go to therapy sessions and meeting with specialists who know how to deal with specific aspects of his injuries. He has a team of specialists who do rounds each day and one to two times per week they do family rounds which allow family members to ask any and all questions which might have arisen throughout the previous days. There are nurses and technicians on John's floor at all times who help with medication administration, make sure he eats in the event that one of us is not present, and transferring him from bed to his wheelchair and back or help clean him in between showers. John gets a shower every other day (odd numbered days) and the first time this happened he was absolutely delighted. A sponge bath works in critical situations but there is nothing better than having a shower and getting fully clean. We took the liberty early on of bringing in some fantastic smelling soaps, a really good razor and his vanity does look a bit like Bed Bath and Beyond and I'm pretty sure he is the best smelling patient TIRR has ever seen!


NOTE: Read this entire section before looking at photos!!!
Holly and I were at TIRR on Sunday and took a couple of photos of us with John outside. I took some photos of them and asked him to smile and he was such a ham for the camera and it reminded me of a photo I received from his friends, Eddie and Sonja Hopkin. They had sent a photo early on of John making a crazy face. I held this photo until now and it seems perfectly appropriate as you look at these photos and realize John continues to do the same now! I thought the similarities were too obvious to not pass along. I must stress that the first two were taken many months ago!



Holly took a couple of me and John as well and I didn't say anything...we just took a picture together which looks oh so similar to my graduation photo (posted earlier in the blog) without my goofy hat! It is obvious to me that John will always do everything possible to make others laugh and be happy.



As i mentioned earlier in the blog, John has began wanting to feed himself so I felt obliged to include two photos which I took while sitting with him at lunch. I should mention that although I placed the towel across his shirt because he had therapy immediately after lunch, he did not spill one drop! I should also mention that I had selected his meal for this and several subsequent days and although it doesn't look like much, his food smells and tastes great (tried it myself!). It is hard picking meals for someone else but I just picked what I might like and hoped for the best and Holly and Paulette do the same. The menu usually provides for two entree selections of which you pick one, and sometimes it's tough to decide but pretty soon, we will be able to ask him what he wants to eat. So far, regardless of what we have picked, he has failed to finish his entire meal.


I will continue to provide as much information and as many photographs as TIRR will allow. Holly started back to work today so her time with John will be more limited but she remains close in proximity to TIRR as does his mom. His current schedule is grueling and John is wanting to challenge himself at each step. We continue to watch in amazement at his trials and tribulations but remain amazed at his daily successes.

Wednesday July 15

The following pictures were taken today and are of the first time John has stood up since June 2, 2009. Seeing him upright today brought tears to my eyes and made me reminisce about the time several weeks ago when we had simply hoped for his eyes to open. Today, John stood again with some assistance and he continues to get stronger by the day. I will tell you that at this point he requires a lot of assistance to do this but his treatment specialists believe that he will regain muscle tone faster because he was in such great shape before his heart attack. I was privileged to be able to photograph him working with his physical therapists Stacey and Lisa and I simply cannot express the level of amazement at what they have been able to accomplish with John so far.






John is also making tremendous strides in other areas such as feeding himself and speech recognition and he continues to seem interested and curious at all times. He has begun the TIRR pattern and even reads the huge write on/wipe off board in the hallway. This board shows each patients name on the left and times at the top and abbreviations of what is going on throughout the day. I was pointing out to John his name and times and it said, "OT" so I asked him if he knew what that meant. He said overtime and I laughed so loud that folks in the hallway were staring at me and John smiled so big. I told him that he was absolutely correct but that in this setting it stands for occupational therapy and he repeated that.

He is able to go outside now and he does not hesitate to tell you where he would like to go. For example, today I pushed him into a room that is near the side entrance and he made it clear that he would like to see the end of the room and where it led. He seems to be consistently interested in his surroundings and at times is distracted because he wants to read about the people who's photographs and stories he sees in the hallways (as mentioned before). He seems to be putting together where he is and why but there are many components which must unite for him in order for him to be able to combine his physical progress with the emotional and mental portions. He is in a great place and we remain anxious and excited to watch his progress.

Tuesday July 14

John continues to assert that he wants so badly to be independent. He continues to want to feed himself to the point that he doesn't care if it means that his food gets cold or that he spills a bit of it on himself during the process. Our temptation to try to help is being squelched by his desire to begin doing things on his own and I must say that this is such great progress that words once again seem inadequate. His level of awareness increases daily and he now has begun asking questions about the other patients around him. He has a roommate now who is at times loud and unruly and John appears to have genuine concern about what is happening in the bed next to his.

My friend Abby has a friend who went through a similar situation some years ago and she said it reminded her of a hurricane hitting a filing cabinet and scattering papers everywhere. This recovery process in her mind involves re-filing each piece of paper to it's original place and tracking down any pieces which might have been displaced. This made so much sense to me in regards to John and he is simply having to be his own administrative assistant (with the help of medical staff and loved ones).

Although we aren't sure just how long John will remain in this environment, we do know that it will likely be over a month. We also know that when a treatment plan (including goals) is established, staff will do everything within their power to make sure the treatment goals have not only been met but exceeded. His therapists are interested in working with John because he is a fighter, he is kind and frankly he is cool to be around (but we already knew that!). They have assured us that they will leave no stone unturned in the path to John's recovery and seeing them work with him makes us know that their words are backed with tremendous experience and a love for what they do that makes seeing their patients do well vital to their personal goals also. There is a sense of pride in this place unrivaled by any I have been in and a team approach which allows a consistent communication similar to air traffic controllers bringing in planes! They are rigid about working with him and staying on schedule but flexible about what methods might appeal and work best for John and we remain appreciative and grateful each day.

Monday July 13

Today, John began his intensive therapy sessions. They start fairly early in the morning and do not finish until around 4pm. Although there are some breaks throughout the day for meals and to give therapists the chance to complete paperwork they work with him for the entire assigned sessions. In between times when they are working with him directly, John is sitting up in a wheelchair so it makes for some long days for him. He is a very physical guy and has not been sleeping all that well at night so the hope is to get his sleep/wake cycles back on track. Taking cat naps throughout the day when he did not have these challenging therapeutic sessions worked before but at this point it is essential to get him on a regular schedule. He can hopefully begin to get excited and anticipate the next session each day.

John has began reaching for the utensils when we try to feed him. It is almost as if he is ready for us to stop taking the easy route to get that food into him and simply wait and be patient while he works on using the fork for himself. So far, he can raise his arms and touch his head if you ask him but it takes time and it's not the same way you would expect. It seems that knowing where his mouth is with his hands will take a bit more time. He can see it and respond but if you try to see a fork when it is close to your mouth (I tried it earlier!) it is darn near impossible. It is hard to tell if his fingertips have all of their sensation back and gripping small items is difficult for him. So, as expected, the small motor skills will need to redevelop. He can now grip our hands or larger objects but getting those fingertips working will be the focus of some of his physical therapy over the next few weeks.

Another facet of his treatment will be psychiatric care. This will help him come to terms with everything that is going on and the traumatic recent events. I actually believe that these professionals are on staff to help family members as much as patients and they have informative groups weekly. Last week was, "Anatomy of the brain", and this week is going to be, "Coping mechanisms for relatives of a person with a brain injury". I should note here that John is considered to have a brain injury because throughout the trauma of his heart attack and subsequent days, his brain did not receive the normal amount of oxygen and therefore his brain is "injured". I believe that injury is a great word and lets us know that it is treatable much like you would treat any other injury. It's just that when the brain is injured, there are many more aspects involved including memory, motor skills, and some physical activities. TIRR sees the gaps between the physical and mental aspects of what the brain does as requiring a specific course of treatment. Essentially, the portions of the brain which control movement and the other portions which control thought, emotion and memory must once again be merged. It's a sort of invisible bridge building process. The architects are the physicians and other hospital staff along with family and social support are the contractors. That might not be the best analogy however it's what I have derived in being near John and from what I've noticed along his journey.

Sunday July 12

I was able once again to hang out with John this morning and a bit into the afternoon. He became so active yesterday afternoon that for fear that he might squirm his way out of his bed, the staff brought in this sort of large net which is soft and makes like a safety canopy over his bed. It is very sturdy and should keep him safe in the event that someone might not be watching him for a few minutes. A lot of patients at TIRR have this around their beds. TIRR does not believe in restraining patients chemically or otherwise so this is a safe way to keep patients from hurting themselves and give family members peace of mind!

John had each of his therapy sessions today because he is new at TIRR. Most of the time on Sundays, patients get a chance to rest and recuperate from the 6 previous days of intensive therapy but John is still in the evaluation phase and is therefore given special treatment. His speech therapist spent some time with him this morning. They work with more than his speech which I found interesting. They work with his swallowing, cognitive skills development and even his gestures and unspoken cues. A few weeks back, Holly taught John that he could say yes by closing his eyes for an extended period of time so consequently I find myself explaining to everyone that when he closes his eyes, he might be thinking or he might be saying yes! Overall, his responses are fairly appropriate and it seems that the focus will be on his short-term memory. At times, John will answer that he is in San Antonio if you ask where he lives (which seems appropriate since he was born and raised there) and at times he does not recognize that he is in a hospital but the next few weeks should help stimulate parts of the brain which support short term memory and hopefully enable him to experience each day and remember it the next. John will truly be having to relearn many things which we take for granted including toileting, hygiene, walking, etc. He seems to be a willing student and I firmly believe that the rolling and squirming which happened last night were simply his attempt to practice what he had learned earlier in the day!

Today, John and his physical therapist Stephanie and I went to the big gym and because it was a weekend we had it all to ourselves. He was able to sit for extended periods of time unsupported and stand up with some assistance but was essentially holding his body weight with his legs. This is a big deal because it could lead to him standing and walking sooner that we originally anticipated. In the next few days, John will be custom fitted with fiberglass cast-type boots to counteract any problems which might have occurred since he has been sedentary for the past five weeks. When we walk, our calf muscles go past our feet (hope that makes sense) so the foot must be given some help to stretch those walking muscles back out. These "casts" support weight and can get wet and just give him an added tool to walk sooner. As he progresses, they will be cut shorter and shorter until they are removed forever.

Holly and Paulette have relocated to the medical center area and are literally two blocks from John. They are on a shuttle route in case parking becomes problematic and have been able to bring their beloved pooches with them. Honeygal will be returning to San Antonio tomorrow with our eternal gratitude! This is a great move because it is the first time since June 2 that they will be this close geographically to John. During this phase of his treatment he will require some involvement from those closest to him and TIRR supports a familial-based treatment approach which helps patients reintegrate back into their "normal" lives more easily. Needless to say, we are all excited about this portion of John's treatment and seeing him support himself and almost stand upright was enough to reassure me that he is exactly where he needs to be right now! He will begin extensive and intensive therapy tomorrow which will encompass most of his days so please keep him in your prayers and think...Go John!!!

Saturday July 11

I had the pleasure of spending the entire morning (starting earlier than I care to mention!) with John today. We started with occupational therapy and it was amazing to see how they work with him. They started by telling him that he would be getting dressed and he was able to help put his clothes on by lifting his legs, arms and rolling as necessary to pull his shirt on. He has been wanting to put his legs over the rail of his bed for several days and he did a great job during each of his therapy sessions. During speech therapy he began taking pills with bottled water and he took 12 pills in a row! These are mostly vitamins and pills which will help him gain strength and the fact that he can swallow them with little effort it a really great thing. Previously, they have been crushing them up and dissolving them into water and administering them through his feeding tube still in his stomach. At some point soon, they hope to remove this tube and all of his medications will be given orally.

John continues to want to touch everything and is so curious about everything around him. I noticed that he is talking so well and really becoming aware of his surroundings. The therapists put him into a wheelchair frequently and so I was pushing him through the halls of his unit and got him near a window and he began to point and try to tell me something. I asked him to speak up and he said, "Basketball goal". At first I had no clue what he was talking about but when I took a hard look outside I realized that there actually was a basketball goal two floors below barely visible peeking out over the roof of the building next to ours. I smiled and was so excited! I asked him what the building next to our was or looked like and he said, "A jail". The truth is that he is exactly right. The hospital near ours does look exactly like what a jail might look like, complete with the razor wire on top! He seems to notice the minutia and it is a refreshing and different perspective than ours. John never forgets to say thank you or please or read and tell peoples names off of their name tags. This was really special today when I asked what his physical therapists name was (Amanda) and it took him a minute. I started to get worried when it took him longer than usual and finally he perfectly pronounced her LAST name which had about 4 z's 2 k's and probably even a "Q"! She was really impressed and told him that almost no one can pronounce her name. Suffice to say that John has been thrown into a very difficult regime and we know that he loves a challenge and a workout and it appears he will be getting both.

Friday July 10

Today marks yet another milestone in John's journey. He moved from Triumph Hospital to TIRR and it felt a bit like the first day of school. All new surroundings and people. John did great on the ride and Holly rode in the back of the ambulance with him to soothe him if necessary. He was very curious and wanting to touch everything inside of the ambulance and talking a lot on the way. It is important to point out that this facility has a lot of longer term patients many of whom stay at least 4-6 weeks and some even longer. There are large photographs along the first floor hallway of prior patients. This is a particularly moving area because their individual stories are next to their photographs and each of them is an extreme example of worst case scenario turned good. Family members at this facility are friendly and several came up to us to meet us and John and tell us about themselves. This is a unique group of people who have that knowing look in their eyes that comes from worry, lack of sleep and the gift of empathic listening. The truth is, when they say they know what Holly is going through, they really do. They are also wives, husbands and family members of a person who has been through a traumatic event and by the time they arrive at this facility, some time has passed and they seem obligated to reach out a hand and help those of us newbies. I'm quite sure that at some point we will do the same and we will be welcoming and reassuring others who arrive on the first day and exchange numbers and names and situations...there are few barriers in regards to asking us about John here, no whispers and no embarrassment because they have a situation which rivals ours and there is a sense of pride in helping each other.

Initially, John will be in a single room. He had a bacterial infection previously and although he has received antibiotics and seems to be past an infection , physicians want to keep him isolated from other patients and err on the side of caution. Once infection is ruled out, which should be sometime this weekend, he will be moved into a normal room. There are 2 or 4 patients per room and although this seems like a lot, patients are rarely in the rooms except to sleep. John will be in some sort of therapy for most of each day and will have little time in his room. There are several common areas on the floors and there is the feeling that the walls speak of success and of the hardships of past and present patients. So far we have met several folks who have loved ones who have been involved in serious car wrecks or had strokes and it is obvious that John is exactly where he needs to be right now and hearing how much their loved one has been helped only reiterates the belief that the staff here can do the same for John. We felt reassured by the staff in that they are very used to patients who are like John or much worse in terms of prognosis. Tomorrow, John will be meeting his therapists and I will be taking the morning shift to give Holly some much needed respite and allow her to start preparing for her (and John's) new schedule.

Thursday July 9

Yesterday, John was moving so much in his bed that the hospital staff thought he might fall out so they lowered his bed as far as it would go and put mats on either side just in case. He is so active and seems at time to be frustrated by not being able to simply get up and go for a stroll. He continues to be keenly interested in the things and people around him. For example, he constantly pulls the oxygen sensor thing off of his finger. It has a red light at the end and a cord attached to it so it is probably a bit irritating to be attached to and he has figured out that pulling on it makes the monitor beep which we think entertains him!

Also, recently John has started the first steps in learning how to feed himself. Holly and Tanya put m&m's on the pillows near his hand and he was picking them up and putting them in his mouth. He continues to have a voracious appetite and has absolutely no trouble finishing off his tray and part of whomever else's might be nearby. We feel certain that a big part of his kidneys doing so well of late is because of his intake of liquids and foods.

Today, Holly was singing and John was singing songs with her. They sang all the basics like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and a couple of others. For those of you who don't know this, Holly's forte' is not recollection of lyrics and when we were kids she frequently made up lyrics she would forget! I can only imagine what she was singing but she said at times, John would have to remind her of a word or two. His speech is improving daily as well.

Some more specifics about what is going on with John currently...While he has fairly good long-term memory in terms of words, telling time, some names and so forth he is still having difficulty assimilating words with emotions and visa-versa. He can answer if you ask him if he feels pain however he has not quite started talking about feelings and at times will say that he is 12 or mistake who a person is to him, etc. Sometimes it also appears that he sees objects which might not be there or he mistakes objects which are there. An example of this is that he told Holly several times to pick up the baby and she thinks he was directing this at a pillow. It will be great when we learn some more helpful tools for communicating with him as well because we recognize that we may simply be misunderstanding him. The brain is a miraculous thing and it is so wonderful to see him blossoming and in the beginning stages of putting each piece of the puzzle where it belongs. One thing which has not changed is that he is truly a joy to be around. He smiles frequently and seems genuinely excited to see us. He is trying so hard to bust out of his protected place and it appears imminent that he will. He will be given so many tools at the next stop in his journey and hopefully continue to heal and progress in the process. The move to TIRR will probably occur tomorrow. He is getting glowing results from his nephrologist (Kidney Dr.) and his neurologist and frankly, anyone else who stops in who hasn't seen him in awhile. We fully expect him to continue charming everyone in his path and we look forward eagerly to John being able to utilize his pent up energy by getting back on his feet.

Tuesday July 7 & Wednesday July 8

I want to first give my deepest apologies for not getting the blog updated last night! I know that many people rely on this as a way to get information on how John is doing and although I try really hard to stay on top of it, I was too tired to type last night (no excuses from now on I promise)! Next time I will at least let you know that so as not to cause worry or alarm.

Over the past few days, John has been being evaluated by a variety of rehabilitation facilities. When you read this blog I have used rehab to describe where John currently is, however that is not technically accurate. While they do offer rehabilitation, it is minimal and we knew almost from the beginning that if John improved dramatically we would be in for another move. So, it is actually a wonderful thing that he is being moved yet again! Triumph has been great while he has been there but John has progressed past the point of needing acute medical care. His heart and lungs are strong and his kidneys are almost back to where they need to be. While he has not taken his first post heart attack steps yet, we are confident that given a physical therapy regime which is challenging and demanding, John will thrive in the short and long term. As we all know, John has been extremely active throughout his life and it only seems appropriate to give him the ability to have the most state of the art equipment and professionals available. This process is both nerve-racking and stressful because all of the planets have to align in order for him to go to the best facility, that takes his insurance, and which we felt was going to fit his personality. Soooo, drum roll please....the winner is The Institute for Rehabilitation and Research or TIRR. We have heard nothing but the most fantastic things about this facility and are really excited that he gets to go there for the next step of his journey. I must say that the process must be like waiting for your child to get accepted to college and we did a little high fivers when we got the news that it was going to happen. It was sort of like we won some sort of prize! He will be in one of the top 4 rehabilitation facilities in the nation and their neurological and physiological expertise is second to none.

This move will take place in the next day or two and from a logistical standpoint, lots of things will be changing. First of all, John's mother will be relocating to the medical center area. This will allow her to be close to John and more easily navigate the area. She is a good driver but making her way from the Tomball area all the way to the med center each day would be daunting for her and frankly for any of us! Holly will also be staying near the medical center which will allow her to be with John as much as possible. She will be returning to work next week and so being close to the hospital will allow her to get over to see him frequently. Honeygal is going to stay in Houston at Holly's house for the time being and Paulette's Boston Terrier will be joining her brood. Honeygal is kind of like the Angelina Jolie of Boston Terriers and if you lost count, that's four dogs (Harley, Hayley, Gracie and now Chanel)! She will definitely have her hands full but has graciously said she will take care of them. Everyone should have an Aunt Honeygal and we are so lucky we have ours.

Each day at TIRR, John will be undergoing multiple hours of physical therapy including aquatics, and a gymnasium with all of the usual and some unusual equipment. He will have a set schedule which rotates each day so that he might have one type of therapy in the morning one day and then it will change to the afternoon the next. This will help with any cycles of rest which might have arisen and will give him the opportunity to be at his best and receive the most help at each therapeutic session. While we don't know know quite how this whole schedule thing will work we are excited that John will be doing what he loves most, being active and interacting with other people.

An explanation:
Holly asked me to mention that we are still in no visitors mode. I want to say that while we simply cannot thank everyone enough for their well-wishes there is a method to our madness in keeping visitors to a minimum and I feel obligated to explain why it must be this way. John has made many advancements in talking, movement, etc. His brain is healing but we have been told by the best doctors that over stimulation can confuse him and might even complicate his healing process. TIRR ascribes to the same philosophy to the extent that John will be assigned only one therapist from each discipline and he will work with that person only. This allows he and the therapist to bond and become familiar with each persons role. They also ask that at least initially, visitors be kept to the bare minimum so as not to interrupt his therapeutic process. The ability to compartmentalize who each person is will be a challenge and having other people thrown into the mix would only make it harder for him. I hope this makes sense and that I'm not making it sound like we are unappreciative because I will never be able to express our gratitude enough. We are going to do everything possible to provide the best environment possible for John to receive the most benefit and your prayers and well-wishes from a distance helps so much with that. I still receive emails daily and make sure that Holly gets them too. I also plan to start providing some action shots of John at TIRR to further help you in feeling like you are there with him! I will continue to update the blog and if physicians change their minds about visitors I will post it here first but for now, thanks so much for your continued understanding.

Monday July 6

The above pictures were taken Easter weekend 2008. We all went to the coast and went fishing and cooked and had a ball! Sydney (John and Holly's niece) went fishing in the surf on the kayaks with John! I think I posted the top one before but it's so darn cute that it needs repeating!

When Holly arrived at the rehab facility this morning, the folks who normally do dialysis on John were getting set up. Holly asked them what his BUN number was which would indicate the need for dialysis and they did not know. When they did find out, it turns out that his creatinine level actually went down for the first time since he began dialysis. So, he did not need it today and it has been since Friday since he has had it and it was good that she asked them about it! This is really great news because it has been three days and John's kidneys were perfectly capable of keeping the toxins out of his blood for that long!

It is also a lesson for all of us who might now have or in the near future have a loved one in the hospital or a care facility. While we believe that John has received great care, we do not know how much of an impact Holly and other family members being there has facilitated his good care. I'm not saying that he would not be appropriately cared for otherwise but it seems appropriate that having someone to speak on your behalf when you cannot, or to advocate for your well-being when you are unable, is essential in the healing process. We have been vehement at times with our questions and feelings and although sometimes we get looked at like we are crazy people, we want to have a full and proper understanding of all aspects of John's treatment and make sure that the medical professionals are on the same page as us. Holly is fanatical about John being kept clean and him having procedures when necessary but not having procedures when they seem frivolous. There have been many times throughout John's journey when we have met with more than several medical professionals to get different opinions on what is needed at a particular time. A couple of recent examples would be his PEG tube for feeding purposes which we knew was necessary and the time that one of the weekend doctors thought he may need a tracheotomy (this is a tube inserted in the clavicle notch near the collar bone into the windpipe for breathing purposes). We argued and asked to have another physician's opinion and that physician tried a few things to see if John was breathing on his own and he was, thus no need for the trachea tube. I would hope that they would have waited on this tube anyway but us balking certainly must have given them a bit of pause.

I have decided after this happened to make sure that my living will is on file and everyone in my family has a copy of it. I had thought of doing this previously but like most people, just hadn't gotten around to it or maybe fear of thinking about something bad happening kept me from doing it. I want the people who love me to know that it's okay for them to hear my words in the form of a document at a time when I may not be able to let them know what I want verbally. Also, even at 40 years of age it is clear that it is never too early to have financial matters in order and even make a will. Although I'm no millionaire, I would like to alleviate any extra decision making stress when that time arrives. I found a few links but this one is current and seems to apply to Texas residents...please don't quote me on their legality but maybe this combined with some information from your local probate court might help: http://www.doyourownwill.com/lwindex.asp It turns out that with a couple of witnesses and a notary in some cases you can take care of getting these documents together on your own or with little legal intervention. Again, it's not my place to lecture or stand on a soapbox but I hope that our experience might allow others to plan for such a situation. To me, it's sort of like a vehicle insurance policy in that if you get one you probably won't need it but let it lapse even one day and that is the day that something bad happens to your car!

Sunday July 5

The top picture is of Holly and Hudd's girlfriend, Tanya and the one below that is Paulette, Hol, and Hudd.

I was blessed to get to spend several hours with John this morning. Holly went to church but she left a bag of photographs and flashcards in the room which she has been using each day with John. I was pretty amazed at his abilities. He didn't miss too many of the questions we asked him. He is able to read, name objects if you point to them, and answer random questions about a variety of things.

One question that a lot of people have asked is what we think about how things might turn out for John in terms of recovery from a long term perspective. There is no person (including physicians) who has the answer to this. We know that so far John has been given the extraordinary opportunity to recover and has been given great care in a nurturing environment which should avail him to the highest level of potential long term recovery. As it turns out the brain is a bit tempramental and extremely unpredictable (go figure!). John has already exceeded the expectations of most medical professionals by leaps and bounds. Some of his nurses who have several days off between shifts and come back are in awe of his progress.

We have noticed, however, that John's ability to piece together the past and even parts of the present from memory is at times difficult for him. An example of this is his ability to recall the date he and Holly were married but not where or how they met although he did say, "Outside", which is true. We aren't sure the meaning of this but are consistently told by physicians and hospital staff that his recovery to this point is nothing short of a miracle. We are hopeful that his ability to attach meaning to objects and dates will improve but we are so appreciative of his movement and progress so far that we are hard pressed to feel anything but gratitude. To hear him say our names or light up with a big smile when we say or do something he finds funny is heart warming beyond words.

A lot of information we had received early on, indicated that sometimes peoples personalities change when they have heart attacks or incur trauma but it is very apparent that John's sense of humor is very much intact and at times he seems bored with the excessive dumb questions we ask! Hopefully he knows that our ignorant questions come from a place of deep love and are in some ways selfish because we waited for what seemed like so long just to get him to look at us, much less talk to us! Again, I know that four weeks does not seem so long but when you are waiting for the little signs of improvement it can seem like an eternity. He seems patient when we ask him to read or answer questions and maybe this is because he seems to know how badly we want him to come back fully from his safe place and we think he knows that it is okay for him to do so. John will continue to be evaluated by neurological experts to validate that he is receiving as much mental, physical and extemporaneous stimulation as he can handle. He is so curious, looking at everything in his room and seeming to wonder what the wires which go to the leads attaching him to the heart monitor go or what the beeping sounds mean. He can read the numbers on the screen of the monitor and we take the time to let him know what everything means and we try to ascertain what he might be focused on and let him know what is going on. We are to the point now that we can simply enjoy being with him. There are less tears and more excitement and we just can't wait to see what John might be up to next!

Saturday July 4

Happy Independence Day everyone! This morning, physical therapists worked with John and had him sitting on the edge of the bed with some assistance. This will hopefully help to get his core muscles stronger. He is already holding his head up pretty well but it is difficult to keep his body strong because he has essentially been stuck in bed for the past few weeks. The great thing with John is that he was in fantastic physical condition before this and his residual strength will only make things easier for him as they continue to try new things as far as pushing his limits.

John continues eating and drinking pretty much everything in sight and even though he still has a feeding tube (just in case), he only receives nutrition through it at night. During the day, he has been getting a regular tray of food just like other patients and does not seem picky! Sometimes his mom brings homemade food or Holly will pick up something on the way to see him but the food at this facility is really good and he is kind of like Mikey from the Life Cereal commercial...he'll eat ANYTHING! John has never really been a picky eater but he seems to derive great pleasure in what he might be given next. The variety of textures and flavors appears to challenge him and please him at the same time. We are hopeful that he will be using utensils on his own soon and all I can say is they better start stocking up that cafeteria kitchen! He has lost some weight throughout this process as you might imagine so his intake of food is a welcome sign and hopefully result in him getting stronger and putting some weight back on.

Friday July 3

At Triumph, John has a variety of physicians and therapists working with him. Today, the speech therapists were in to see him and used a technique that was so brilliant in it's simplicity! They had flash cards with pictures of a variety of items and held them up and John would say what they were. This was an incredible moment because it strengthened what we already knew which is that John is able to see these items and verbalize what they are. Also, Holly was reading a greeting card to him and she would read a line and stop and he would fill in a word or two here and there which was really exciting to see. They left the flashcards in the room and Holly has been working with him using them throughout the day.

John had dialysis today. This kidney issue is one that we have been dealing with since the beginning of John's hospitalization. They don't seem to get worse but they also do not seem to improve markedly. We continue to hope along with his other achievements and advancements that his kidneys will heal and begin to function normally once again. The good news is that they seem to be heading in the right direction and for the first time, his BUN (or blood urea nitrogen) level was normal. The longer this level stays normal or close to normal, the less he will need dialysis and the hope is that at some point he won't need dialysis at all.

Thursday July 2

Today marks the 30th day since John had this heart attack. In some ways it seems so much longer ago and in other ways, it seems still so unreal and almost like a bad dream. We look back over the past 4 weeks and there have been so many ups and downs and twists and turns that it is hard to keep all of the information straight. We have told and repeated what happened so many times that we say it almost without thinking or the need to recall events. The events and details are right there on the tip of our tongues and there is little pause when we rehash them for whichever medical person or friend might ask. Sometimes, at dinner with friends the conversation may veer away from John for a bit but then it always seems to come right back to the latest news, the unbelievable aspects of it and just how much we miss conversations and joking and being with him. With that in mind...I must say, he has started speaking sentences folks! These are words put together and at times they are easy to understand. At other times, we can pick out a word or two but there is no mistaking that John is ready to start telling us all about his journey. His facial expressions match what he is trying to say and when he gets frustrated, he gets a very stern frown on his face. He also lights up when he smiles or is telling us something good or if we say something funny to him. He is eating absolutely everything...not just liquids and soft foods but even food like chicken and dumplings (lunch today).

Today is also Holly and my 40th birthday. It's really hard to believe that we have been alive for 40 whole years! Holly has been my protector, my support and my closest friend throughout our entire lives. This situation has only strengthened our relationship and solidified the fact that being twins is really cool! Although John couldn't join us at dinner tonight, Holly took him some dessert afterward and he even ate some of the steak too! I also promised to let him take us out again when he gets better.

Wednesday July 1

John continues to make progress and consistently surprise us. He seems to want to speak so badly and form sentences which for whatever reason simply cannot be formed so that we might fully understand. We listen intently and watch his every move for any sign that he might be giving us which might help to give us clues as to how to access him and reach a friendly and guiding hand back toward him like a lifeguard might help a person who needs help. Holly certainly has the ability to reach and communicate with John like no other person can which is understandable. He just lights up when she is in the room and I have personally observed her leaving and stayed in the room and he has a sense of longing for her and you can almost feel that he wants to tell us he misses her. We all feel a response from him when we are close and his eyes get wide or he moves his mouth to say something. We tell him that we are here and it's okay if he can't speak just yet. We reassure him that he is okay and we tell him exactly where he is and what has happened over the past 4 weeks. He must get tired of us rambling on but the day he tells me to shut up is the day I will be ecstatic! Holly mentioned that today, John squeezed her hand when asked and continues to eat and drink like crazy.

John had back surgery a few years back and one day while Holly was working, I came and stayed with him at the hospital. During that day, I got to be near John in a way I hadn't been before. He was ready to put on his Nike t-shirt and workout shorts so I helped him put on his shorts but with his IV, we couldn't use a regular T-shirt. So, I happened to have a swiss army knife in my backpack (yes, I was a girl scout at one time a long time ago and no, there are no metal detectors at that hospital!) and I got to work. I cut the bottom of the hospital gown so it was the length of a normal t-shirt and cut the top right shoulder area in half (to facilitate his IV line). Then I used the ties from the lower part to make shoestring-like bows to hold the sleeve of the gown I had cut at the top. Now, I'm no seamstress but I think that this garment could be entered in the Project Runway hospital gown couture edition! If I had had a bit more time, I might have even fashioned a cool pair of running shorts out of the remaining material! He was in a great deal of pain that day and while we still had some light moments I think he knew that it was okay to be a bit vulnerable and I felt that it bonded our friendship even further. At times, he was sleepy and I would sit and read and then they got him up for the first time while I was there and he was really nauseous. There was an air conditioning vent near the window of his room and he would stand over that vent and let it blow on his face and look outside and then he would want to walk some more because they had told him that the sooner he walked he got to go home. I'm pretty sure John would have jogged past the nurses station giving a parade wave and then thrown up back in the room if he thought he would get out that day! What I learned about John then was just how strong a person he is. They put screws and plates in his back and he and I and the surgeon had a conversation about it and John's only question was how soon would he be back to feeling normal and able to go home. I sometimes wonder if that is what he is trying to say now. He may be asking us what he needs to do to get better, or to appease the staff enough so that he can return to his home and beloved wife and puppies. Until we know for sure, we will keep supporting and nurturing him in his current environment and hoping it feels somewhat like home and keep letting him know that he will be okay.