Today is John's 40th birthday! He entered the world some four decades ago and the world is a better place because of it. John has spent his life bringing smiles to people's faces...family, friends, co-workers and strangers alike and continues to do so. John's co-workers Rebecca, Michelle and Maria came and brought with them some special deliveries...hand-made cards from all of John's students (they are in 6 different binders!), some of John's favorite treats including pop tarts and m&m's, and a Nintendo DS gaming system to help him pass the time. Thanks so much to them and to all of John's friends and co-workers!
I should mention that I am in the process of collecting photographs from the softball tournament and will tell you that it was a huge success and the most fun day of sports (and most painful!) that most of us had in a very long time. The one thing which would have made it perfect would have been for John to be there but we are hopeful that by his 41st birthday, he will.
40 years of life is a milestone and a time to look back and think about what you've done and think about some things that you might want to change about yourself. If statistical information is correct, it marks the approximate halfway point in the average male's life and is supposed to be the place where home, family and health all come together as one to provide a firm foundation for the rest of the years to be spent. But, this is not John's path. His path will require him to hone all skills and strength he has gained throughout his life to fight to complete the second half.
The thing is that he has done absolutely nothing wrong and, in fact, most things right, but for some reason he is left trying to grasp at the minutia in an effort to survive and thrive. There is no explanation as to why this had to happen to him. We think and search and dig but we cannot control it and we aren't driving. There is awe, surprise and at times even anger as we try to grasp for meaning for this unexplainable and horrifying event. Every single thing changed on June 2 for John and everyone connected to him. Each day presents challenges for John. Walking requires effort. Talking requires thought. Memory and sensory perception comes from a place within him...his core and necessitates effort to retrieve.
What seems to not require any effort whatsoever is his continued ability to love and to want others around him to be happy and laugh. When we are with him at mealtime, he always prays before eating and always tries to give us his food. He will offer his food to us many times throughout his meal and seems to feel bad about eating in front of us. He is most happy when we eat too! He constantly tells us thank you and at times tells us to be patient with him. He is at times exceptionally lucid and at other times he is confused...trying to place things in his mind back into their rightful place after the "earthquake" knocked everything off of his mental shelves. This process is laborious for him but you can see him working, and fighting every minute of every day to get back to where he was before the heart attack. If passion and perseverance are the keys to healing, there is little doubt that he will heal. John has always been a hard worker and driven and this situation has simply redirected his drive and focused it on getting better. He gets frustrated at times but seems to take the daily challenges in stride.
There is a statue in front of TIRR which is of a man with arms stretched over his head and he has just broken the chain connecting handcuffs on his wrists. It is a graphic depiction of what John does every day. Each day is a file mark on the metal constraining him and each point of progress gets him closer to breaking the chains holding him back. It is a new favorite piece of art for me personally and when things seem particularly difficult I picture John's face on that statue!
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